Communication is the foundation of any relationship. But between men and women, let’s just say it can be tricky. Let’s be honest for a moment here, ladies: we don’t always say just what we mean. (But hey, neither do men at the best of times!) It’s not that we’re trying to be shady — we just have our own special way of getting the message across.
What’s more, with the wonderful world of text messages, things often get a tad lost in translation. There’s no doubt that decoding a lady’s texts can often feel like trying to solve the Da Vinci Code. So, with that in mind, here’s what we say versus what we actually mean.
What she says: “I’m fine.”
What she means: “I’m 100% not fine and about five minutes away from deleting you on Facebook.”
Nothing is fine or okay anymore. When we send this, the deadliest of texts, it’s because we’re in a sheer rage like no other. What’s that old saying? Oh yes… Hell hath no fury like a woman who claims to be “fine.” Remember that one.
What she says: “I’m not sure, but…”
What she means: “You’re wrong.”
We don’t want to all out tell you that you’re wrong, but you are. So there. We’re going to sprinkle a little doubt in your mind and hope that works its magic.
What she says: “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
What she means: “I am so not into you. Sorry.”
You’ve sent us an awkward text saying you want to be “more than friends.” Eek. We don’t quite know how to tell you that we’re not interested in you so we’re trying to let you down easy. We really don’t want to ruin the friendship. We’re praying with all our might that you take the hint and we can pretend this never happened.
What she says: “K.”
What she means: “I’m mad at you. Say you’re sorry or prepare for all-out war.”
A fire is burning inside us. You’d better tread carefully if you want to make it out of this one alive. Now, go ahead, be brave… Say what you just said again.
What she says: “I’m not big on Valentine’s Day TBH.”
What she means: “If you don’t buy me a giant teddy bear, a dozen roses, and chocolates, we’re through.”
It’s not “cool” to be the girl who relishes Valentine’s Day. We don’t want to admit that we’re totally into the idea of being showered with a load of tacky gifts. Still, if you don’t get us everything we want and more, it means you don’t love us. Period.
What she says: “I’m just tired.”
What she means: “I’m sorry for whatever I said and I’m wrong.”
This one is usually whipped out mid-argument. We’ve suddenly realized that we were wrong or, as we like to put it, “mistaken.” It’s too late to do a total U-turn. So instead, we go for the old fail-safe of pretending to be tired and hope that you buy it.
What she says: “It was a bargain.”
What she means: “I had to remortgage our house for this thing so please don’t ask me how much it cost.”
Yes, we might have spent a small fortune on a new outfit, but we’re having a hard time reconciling that with ourselves let alone you. Rather than admit that we’re going to be in debt for the rest of time, we’ll tell you it was on sale.
What she says: “How do you know Sarah Baker, sweetie?”
What she means: “Who the hell is this chick you just added on Facebook?”
Here’s how social media can ruin a relationship in mere minutes. When you become “friends” with a ridiculously attractive woman on Facebook, shrill alarm bells go off in our mind. We’re trying to be casual, but the truth is that we’ve already stalked the woman for the last 20 minutes and know her dog’s name.
What she says: “I feel so fat today.”
What she means: “I actually feel fabulous but want you to tell me how skinny and pretty I am.”
Sometimes, we all need an ego boost. While, obviously, naturally occurring compliments are the best, we’ll take whatever we can get. Spoiler: When we text you saying we feel “fat,” it’s actually a test. Tell us how incredible we are pronto… or prepare for a full-blown fight.
What she says: “Do whatever you want.”
What she means: “Do exactly what I want you to do.”
This is a hard one for us. Realistically, we know that we can’t tell you what you should do. We don’t want to be that uber controlling girlfriend. So we won’t. With this text, we’re sending you a telepathic message. We want you to do exactly what we want and we want you to do it now. And, yes, you should be a mindreader.
What she says: “On my way.”
What she means: “I haven’t even gotten in the shower yet.”
Look, us ladies take a whole load of pride in our appearance. Looking this damn fine doesn’t happen in a snap of our fingers, you know? You’ve sent us a thoroughly annoying text to see where we are — we’ve said we’re on our way to shut you up, but really we’ve barely started getting ready.
What she says: “I love you.”
What she means: “I love you.”
We don’t mess around with this one. The L-word is not something that we’re willing to throw around for no reason. When we text this one, don’t question us or ask if we’re telling the truth. If we didn’t love you, we just wouldn’t say it.