Tag Archives: breakup

Surprisingly Good Things That Can Come from Divorce

According to the American Psychological Association, around 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While that statistic accounts for nearly half of all marriages in this country, what’s not telling of this percentage is the number of former spouses who are happier for it. If you’ve had a divorce or are going through one right now, it’s normal to experience grief, feel ashamed, or flood yourself with what seems like a never-ending barrage of questions, especially with cultural norms to worry about and religious expectations to uphold.

But divorce doesn’t always have immediately elicit the negative. In fact, many people post-divorce find that life outside of their marriages has been filled with the exact opposite. Many divorce papers aren’t filed because the marriage was unhappy, toxic, or because infidelity or abuse was involved. There are even those out there who can look back on their marriage and recognize it as a good thing that came to a mutual end. Whether your marriage ended voluntarily or whether it was something you never wanted out of, here are a few reasons why divorce isn’t the end of the world or your joy, from a few people who came out better on the other side and have never felt happier.

Self-discovery and a new lease on life

One common benefit that people post-divorce comment on is having more time to themselves. While that might seem obvious, we sometimes unknowingly put our needs and goals on the back-burner when we’re consumed in our relationships. When Rebecca, a small business owner from Dallas, married her longtime best friend, they later realized that they were both good people who were just better off as friends.

“He was such a big part of my life and still is, because he was my best friend before he was my husband so we spent years hanging out and just being around each other all the time. When we got divorced I had to learn how to re-build my own identity. I found that in solitude I was more comfortable exploring and pursuing my passions because I didn’t feel like I was letting him down or being selfish, and because of that I’ve been able to build a fulfilling career and life, and still keep my best friend by my side.”

Forgetting the eggshells and being comfortable in your own skin again

Sometimes in marriages, you find yourself morphing into the person your spouse wants you to be. And while partners can definitely inspire positive changes in your life, sometimes it’s over the things that aren’t broken.

“I realized I was trying to change so much about myself to fit into his ideal of ‘perfect’, and I was starting to blame myself for the things I couldn’t change. I didn’t feel comfortable having a fresh face around him, because of my acne and hyperpigmentation that he always asked why I wasn’t able to get rid of, as if I wasn’t trying every product or diet suggestion out there. I couldn’t be real and talk about things like chin hair, blackheads, or passing gas because I wasn’t supposed to have or be doing any of those things. It was stressful trying to be this “perfect” person, and never feeling good enough. It feels amazing being able to be myself and feel beautiful again, every part of me – good or ‘bad’.” – Marianna, Lifestyle & Beauty Blogger

 

Getting to nourish other important relationships in your life

It’s not unusual to neglect certain relationships when you’re married, especially when your partner becomes your everyday and all-in-one person. For Carolina, a Worship and Children’s Ministry Leader from San Diego, it took the end of her marriage to bring her closer to her family and her faith. When her husband left her for another woman, she was devastated and alone for the first time in over a decade.

“Not only was I lost, I was completely blindsided. I had an estranged relationship with my siblings due to a loss in our family years earlier but I had no one else to turn to and I desperately needed their support, so I swallowed my pride and reached out to them. My divorce ended up being the reason we were able to reconcile and are closer than we’ve ever been. I started going to church again and began relying on God to fill the voids in my life. I soon learned that He was the one person who wouldn’t leave me, no matter what. Sometimes we can’t understand why things happen the way they do at the time, but there is a blessing to be found in the heartbreak. I gained true faith and my family back.”

Finding confidence and learning to lean on yourself

If you’re suffering from a marriage that ended due to infidelity or abuse, it’s easy to think that that’s a blow you might not ever be able to recover from. But women all over are turning these lemons into lemonade. Jessica, a Self-Help Coach and Writer from New York, spent months feeling unworthy after finding out that her husband of over 14 years, and dad of their 4 kids, had been unfaithful for almost half of their relationship.

“I felt like a joke. I struggled to even find the energy to get up in the morning most days, even with four bright-eyed babies staring up at me. Then one day, a light in me had switched. I realized I was capable and that there was nowhere to go but up, and I was going to show my children that if I could conquer anything, they could. It was at rock bottom that I found my inner strength and learned to love myself again. I had this toxic mentality that the way people treated me showed me how I should value myself, which was a complete lie. Now I help women all over the country realize their worth and eliminate negative self-talk. I love every second of what I do and I now proudly brag that I’m in a committed relationship with my career!”

Becoming a better parent by being a happy parent

Two people parent better when they are both in better places themselves. Constant bickering and unhealthy conflict handling create a hostile environment for children and one they’re likely to follow in. For Teresa and Taylor, Software Developers from Las Vegas, they made the decision to end their marriage for the sake of their children because of their toxic relationship and inability to get along. They now have joint custody of their children and feel much more successful as co-parents.

“Our children now have the benefit of growing up in two happy households”, they say. “It’s really made all the difference and we have a much better relationship with each other now that we’re not at each other’s throats all the time.”

5 Tips for Handling a Workplace Breakup

Breaking up is hard to do and feels more unbearable when you’re forced to work with your ex. Since most relationships end in either heartbreak or marriage bells, why do we take the risk at work? The answer may be in the time spent together. The average employed person spends seven to eight hours working per day, and a report from 2015 showed that only 24% of the workforce spent some or all of that time at home. This means that most of us are passing more time with our office mates than anyone else, and common interests or goals may cause the lines between professional and personal lives to blur. According to CareerBuilder.com, 39% of its employees dated a co-worker at least once during their professional career. Unfortunately, this can only mean more than one messy workplace relationship breakup too.

Even though we know we probably shouldn’t, we sometimes can’t seem to help but get romantically involved with the people we work with. Did you attempt workplace dating and then go through a nasty split? Here are five steps to help you navigate the choppy waters after going through a workplace relationship breakup.

Vent to Friends Who Don’t Work With You

Venting can help you feel better, but avoid doing it at work. Instead, why not meet your sister or childhood friend at one of your homes? If your best friend is the person sitting in the next cubicle, wait for after-work drinks or coffee to talk. Finding closure is important; but once you cross the office threshold, leave the tension at the door. At work, you want to be known as the person who benefits the company, not the one who co-workers and supervisors associate with drama.

friends drinking coffee

Plus, you wouldn’t want to put a co-worker friend in a weird position. If that person happens to like your ex, that’s their choice, and it’s no one’s place to try to change or tarnish that. Sometimes, it’s just easier to keep certain conversations off-limits — and the conversation of your workplace relationship breakup might be one of them.

Be Respectful of Yourself, Your Ex, and Your Co-workers

Personal relationships can motivate us to work better, but they can also create an uncomfortable environment. It’s important to keep your eyes on the prize, and at work, that means progressing the success of the company and earning a paycheck. No one will appreciate you for inhibiting either target. It may sound harsh, but this company isn’t about you or the heartbreak you’re going through. Remember why you are there and what you’re being paid to do.

The best way to respect everyone, including yourself, is to arrive with a positive and assertive attitude. It’s not necessary to be Susie Sunshine. You’re still human, after all. However, you do need to be professional and add to a productive environment. Otherwise, you’re only making yourself look bad and jeopardizing your reputation.

coworkers

Remind Yourself of Your Ex’s Professional Strengths

Are you required to collaborate with your ex on a project? Is he or she your supervisor? If avoidance is impossible, remind yourself of the benefits of working with them. Perhaps their communication skills always win clients over, or their personality is perfect for calming tense environments. Remembering why you’re working with them in the first place can help put things into perspective. After all, you did like and admire them at one point. Those particular feelings don’t have to go away. Even though you didn’t make it as a couple, you might still be able to find reasons that person is amazing at what they do.

If you’re really strong, try complimenting them after a job well done. Not only will he or she appreciate the gesture (and possibly pay you a compliment in return), but it will show the office that you’re a composed and dependable professional. Take the high road, stay classy, and prove to yourself you can totally handle this.

Let Your Work Distract You

It’s normal that everything, from the lunch room to the water fountain, may remind you of your ex-love, but chase those memories away with your current task or project. Throwing yourself at your work will not only make each moment easier but help make the day go by faster. Before you know it, you’ll be able to return home and wallow with pizza, ice cream, and the Gilmore Girls revival (or any other way you prefer).

blond woman working on laptop
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t acknowledge and deal with your feelings. Burying them and bottling them up just means you’re going to explode with anger or sadness (or both) later on down the line. Give yourself time to heal and get over things. Just don’t dwell on it too much, or you’ll drive yourself nutty.

Be Transparent With Your Ex

Are you still able to have a somewhat civil conversation with your ex? Fantastic! You should be proud of yourself. While you may not want to do this while at work, there’s nothing wrong with being upfront with your ex about how you’re feeling since your workplace relationship breakup. If you feel uncomfortable at work and can tell they do to, sometimes, a simple text saying, “Hey, I know it’s weird, but we just need time,” is all it takes.

Worst Case Scenario, Consider a Move

Sometimes, a move can be the best decision for your mental, emotional, and professional well-being. Before spending your breakfast hour poring over the classifieds, however, consider all of your options. Are you in the best situation for career enhancement? Do you work for a large company with the opportunity for lateral movements? Remember, you may not need to leave the company to remove yourself from an undesirable situation.

Don’t mistake this for running away. No, you don’t want to run away from your problems. But there’s a big difference between avoiding dealing with your troubles, and simply choosing to put yourself in a more positive environment. If you really and truly believe you can no longer be in the same area as your ex because it’s detrimental to your wellbeing, then plan your next move out of there.

Have you ever gone through a workplace breakup? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments below.