While it feels like our culture is becoming more accepting of women who don’t want kids, there is still undeniably a stereotype following us. All one has to do is say, “I don’t want children”, and she will undoubtedly be asked why. A woman who says that she’s planning on making a family, however? She never needs to explain herself. (Can you imagine that? “You want kids? Why?!”)
Whether you realize it or not, there are misconceptions about women who are happy without being mothers. While being a mom is (I’ve been told) a wonderful experience like no other, there are plenty of joys in life that have nothing to do with it. If you ever find yourself engaged in a conversation with someone who casually mentions she doesn’t want kids, keeps these things in mind.
Women Who Don’t Want Kids: What You Probably Should Know Already, but Maybe You Don’t
1. Our Lack of Desire for Offspring has Nothing to Do With Our Partner
I greatly dislike hearing, “Sure, you want kids! You just haven’t met the right guy yet.” My fiance isn’t a huge fan of this, either. How can anyone think that a woman’s decision to have (or not have) children hinges solely on her partner? Guess what? He doesn’t want kids either. That’s right — we’re a couple of grouchy, bitter, baby-hating losers. Oh! Which reminds me…
2. Not Wanting Children Doesn’t Mean We Dislike Children
Yes, there are people who don’t like children in general, and that’s their business; but don’t assume that women who don’t want kids also hate them. I love other people’s kids! I just don’t want any of my own. I love playing with kids, hugging them, and reading stories. Then, I like handing them back to their parents and going home to my bed.
3. We Don’t Feel Any Less Fulfilled Just Because We’re Childless
People often say that their family wasn’t complete until they had their kids. Others feel differently. I have a loving man and two dogs who urinate on the kitchen floor whenever they want, and I’m perfectly satisfied with my life. Women who don’t want kids don’t feel like they’re lacking in some way. There isn’t this gaping hole where a child should be. Some people want kids. Some don’t. It’s very simple.
4. Reminding Us That We’re Running Out of Time Does Nothing
I know you’re scared by the fact that I’m 28 and my egg count is practically disappearing before your very eyes; but you really have no reason to be concerned. I’m not. You know why? Because I don’t want kids anyway. I laugh in the face of Father Time. Literally. I say, “Haha, Father Time! Joke’s on you, because I use various methods of birth control!”
5. It’s Not a Phase
Nose rings are a phase. Cutting out carbs is a phase. Clubbing is a phase. Actively deciding not to procreate is a lifestyle choice.
6. We Still Experience Stress and Exhaustion
A former coworker once told me that I couldn’t understand stress because I don’t have children. In my mind, I choked him. Since when are children the only cause of stress? I can think of about 493 other things that would fall under this category, and none of them involve kids.
7. We’re Not Selfish
It’s not that women who don’t want kids refuse to make space in their lives for anyone or anything else. It’s that they prefer to make space and time for other things. Maybe it’s travel, work, or volunteering. All of these things are enjoyable, enriching, and fulfilling.
8. We’re Not Bothered That You Have Kids, So You Shouldn’t be Bothered That We Don’t
Having children is the standard, but only because we made it that way. No one bats an eye at the woman who joyfully exclaims, “I can’t wait to have children!” By pure logic, it’s only fair that you pay the same courtesy to the woman who says, “I’m so excited to never have kids!”