Don’t judge a book by its cover: judge it by its title! From unicorns with attitude to gnome uprisings, these six laugh-out-loud books will have you binge-reading until you’re laughing, crying, and maybe even propping your eyes open with toothpicks—Tom & Jerry-style.
Before Liz Lemon (the image of modern womanhood) uttered the “fake curse words” jagweed, blerg, and shark farts, before Tina Fey dug into a sheet cake and Donald Trump on the Weekend Update, before she parodied Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live, making it and America great again, the Queen of Comedy was a “Debbie Downer” with a dream: one where an “obedient white girl from the suburbs” could “say, yes, and….figure it out afterwards.” From her work crush on Alec Baldwin to her completely sarcastic beauty tips (Our favorite? “Always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?”), Fey’s Bossypants will rock your 30-somethings. Whether you’re killing time on a 90-minute subway ride or sinking a good six inches into your sofa, it’ll have you laughing, and possibly snorting, so loudly that people will beg you to flip through it somewhere else. And, as if that wasn’t enough, when its cover is spread-eagle, your top-half will be morphed into a freakish hybrid—a pretty woman with big, burly, hairy man arms.
Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea
If you had Judy Blume’s Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret on your night stand as a teenager or you just started changing, “We must. We must. We must increase our bust!”, you’ll get a kick out of Chelsea Handler’s parody title Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea. The perfect marriage of quick wit, self-mockery, and no doubt some hyperbole, the comedian mines her past for “oh, no you didn’t!” stories that’ll have you spewing laughter bombs. From pretending to honeymoon with her father in order to upgrade to first class to her “horizontal” antics, Handler’s irreverent and offensive turns of phrase don’t just cross the line. They completely erase it. If you don’t get offended easily, take this quick read with you on your next flight—where appealing to the “higher power” of vodka is optional.
Knitting with Dog Hair: Better a Sweater From a Dog You Know and Love Than From a Sheep You’ll Never Meet
Sharpen your knitting needles, ladies, and get ready to pet your yarn yields. Kendall Crolius’ how-to book, Knitting With Dog Hair, will teach you how to make caps from your collies, mittens from your malamutes, and scarves from your Scottish terriers. Feline fanatics, there’s no need to be sourpusses because there’s also a section on cat hair. A free, environmentally-friendly spin on an old craft, this author’s crochets are a creative solution to every animal owner’s most vexing problem: shedding, shedding, and more shedding. If you’re done wearing the scratchy wool sweaters from “sheep that you’ll never meet”, learn to collect, clean, spin, and store your pet’s fur. Surprisingly, though, it’s not a new practice, says Science Magazine. The Coast Salish, Native Americans from northern Washington and southern British Columbia, recycled Rover’s hair into non-ceremonial blankets until the early 1900s.
Unicorns are Jerks: a Coloring Book Exposing the Cold, Hard, Sparkly Truth
If you believe that unicorns are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice and that they inhale rainbows, exhale sparkles, and purify poisons, we’ve got bad news: some unicorns can be a real horn in your side. Sure, unicorns think that they’re cool beans because they’re mysterious, beautiful, and mystical, but Theo Nicole Lorenz, the author of Unicorns Are Jerks, knows that they can be anti-social, mythological narcissists. The cartoonist caught them texting in theaters, nabbing leftovers from refrigerators, and even farting in elevators. Of course, Theo had to sketch the pictures—the unicorns refused to sign photo release forms. But, now that you’ve learned the cold, hard, sparkly truth, you should color it with a set of sparkly markers. That’s right. Show those jerky unicorns who’s the boss.
50 Shades of Chicken
Pull out the twine. Whip open the oven. And get ready to dominate dinner. F.L. Fowler’s 50 Shades of Chicken is the “love” story between a young, innocent, free-range chicken and a wealthy, sexy, and very, very hungry chef. A spoof of EL James’ 50 Shades of Grey, it features three acts: “The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the climax of cooking). From jerking to stuffing to oiling: this pun-o-graphic cookbook is fully loaded with five-star recipes: Dripping Thighs, Bacon-Bound Wings, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, and Mustard-Spanked Chicken. 50 Shades of Chicken isn’t just a great gag-gift (pun intended), it’ll bring your date night to a simmer with its mix of laugh-out-loud text and revealing photographs—that’ll change the way you view garlic bulbs and olive oil forever.
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)
Move over adolescent vampires and flesh-eating zombies, there’s a new threat in town: garden gnomes. Standing a little over 12 inches tall, these flowerbed-dwellers are crafty sociopaths bent on murder and mayhem! So, if you ever spot pointy-hatted perps in your garden, dig up Chuck Sambuchino’s How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, a 106-page guide with laugh-out-loud tips and knee-slapping photos. From hiding a second “escape” bicycle to locking down your garden tools to creating a miniature moat around your house, whether you love gnomes or hate them, this coffee table-sized book might just save your life—or at least tea time.