Category Archives: LOVE

Guy Talk: What He’s Actually Saying

Whether you’ve been talking to a guy for two weeks, or have been happily together for twenty years, one of the most common struggles in any relationship is communication. As men, we’ve developed a reputation for ourselves—and perhaps rightfully so. It’s not that we’re uncommunicative. It’s just that, sometimes, we aren’t the best at articulating ourselves. And often, we like to assume that a simple yes or no, or cryptic text message solves the problem (it doesn’t). Ladies, no need to freak out. We’re not that hard to understand. To help, below we’ll decode some of our common sayings (AKA guy talk).

 

What he’s saying:  “I’m sorry.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m sick of arguing, can we have make-up sex now?”

Commonly heard after a fight or argument, men often use this seemingly honest statement to cover up what we really mean. Yeah, we’re probably sorry, but we’re also ready to go.

What he’s saying: “I’m good.”

What he’s actually saying: “I like the things the way they are right this second and I’m literally not looking to add or change anything.”

When we say we’re good, it’s best to believe us. Sure, it’s a pithy reply. But it’s an honest one.

What he’s saying: “I promise.”

What he’s actually saying: “I kind of promise.”

If we consistently promise to do things and don’t show up or call, use your best judgment and put stock in our actions. Not all men are the same. And when real men make promises, we follow through with them.
man smirk

What he’s saying: “You’re not fat.”

What he’s actually saying: “Seriously, you’re not fat.”

Commonly uttered when you’re naked, we generally mean it. You’re seriously not fat. And you going on and on about body issues is getting tedious.

What he’s saying: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”

What he’s actually saying:” I’m not interested in a relationship with you.”

If we’re afraid of committing, it’s probably not circumstantial. It’s probably you. However, if you’d like to become friends with benefits, let us know!
Married couple having an argument sitting up n their bed facing off in opposite directions as they ignore one another

What he’s saying: “I’ll call you.”

What he’s actually saying: “I won’t call you…but I don’t know how to say it nicely.”

Usually heard at the end of a date, this phrase is our go-to when we don’t know what else to say. What we really mean is that we don’t ever want to see you again, but we’re not sure how to put it bluntly.
man waving goodbye

What he’s saying: “She’s just a friend.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’d like her to be more than a friend but I also don’t want to cheat on you.”

Oh baby you, you got what I need. And I swear she’s just a friend…
man and woman working

What he’s saying: “You look better without makeup.”

What he’s actually saying: “Hurry up, I’m damn hungry.”

Commonly heard before a dinner date, he’s probably being honest. However, he’s also hangry and could care less what you put on your face.

What he’s saying: “It’s a boys night.”

What he’s actually saying: “I just need a night to drink beers and talk about stuff that bores the hell out of you.”

Seriously, the game is on and I’m in the mood to pound beers and get in touch with my primal side. I may look at other girls, but I’m not going to cheat.

What he’s saying: “I’m busy.”

What he’s actually saying: “I have plenty of time…I’d just rather not spend it with you.”

Unfortunately, we’ve decided to not put you on the list of important things to make time for. There are 24 hours in a day—there’s no way we’re busy every single one of them.

What he’s saying: “Let’s try something different.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m starting to get bored.”

We mean it. Let’s try something new, whether it’s in the bedroom or in the kitchen. Keeping things fresh and exciting isn’t too much to ask, is it?
Sexy man holding handcuffs, sit on sofa, black and white, bdsm

What he’s saying: “I like chilling at my place.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m really only interested in seeing you behind closed doors.”

AKA I’m really just into having sex at the moment. Take it with a grain of salt.
Top view of sexy muscular young man looking at camera with sensual smile while lying in bed

What he’s saying: “I need more space.”

What he’s actually saying: “I need some time alone to think things over.”

We’ve probably just had a fight. And I probably need some time to save my ass.

Surprisingly Good Things That Can Come from Divorce

According to the American Psychological Association, around 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While that statistic accounts for nearly half of all marriages in this country, what’s not telling of this percentage is the number of former spouses who are happier for it. If you’ve had a divorce or are going through one right now, it’s normal to experience grief, feel ashamed, or flood yourself with what seems like a never-ending barrage of questions, especially with cultural norms to worry about and religious expectations to uphold.

But divorce doesn’t always have immediately elicit the negative. In fact, many people post-divorce find that life outside of their marriages has been filled with the exact opposite. Many divorce papers aren’t filed because the marriage was unhappy, toxic, or because infidelity or abuse was involved. There are even those out there who can look back on their marriage and recognize it as a good thing that came to a mutual end. Whether your marriage ended voluntarily or whether it was something you never wanted out of, here are a few reasons why divorce isn’t the end of the world or your joy, from a few people who came out better on the other side and have never felt happier.

Self-discovery and a new lease on life

One common benefit that people post-divorce comment on is having more time to themselves. While that might seem obvious, we sometimes unknowingly put our needs and goals on the back-burner when we’re consumed in our relationships. When Rebecca, a small business owner from Dallas, married her longtime best friend, they later realized that they were both good people who were just better off as friends.

“He was such a big part of my life and still is, because he was my best friend before he was my husband so we spent years hanging out and just being around each other all the time. When we got divorced I had to learn how to re-build my own identity. I found that in solitude I was more comfortable exploring and pursuing my passions because I didn’t feel like I was letting him down or being selfish, and because of that I’ve been able to build a fulfilling career and life, and still keep my best friend by my side.”

Forgetting the eggshells and being comfortable in your own skin again

Sometimes in marriages, you find yourself morphing into the person your spouse wants you to be. And while partners can definitely inspire positive changes in your life, sometimes it’s over the things that aren’t broken.

“I realized I was trying to change so much about myself to fit into his ideal of ‘perfect’, and I was starting to blame myself for the things I couldn’t change. I didn’t feel comfortable having a fresh face around him, because of my acne and hyperpigmentation that he always asked why I wasn’t able to get rid of, as if I wasn’t trying every product or diet suggestion out there. I couldn’t be real and talk about things like chin hair, blackheads, or passing gas because I wasn’t supposed to have or be doing any of those things. It was stressful trying to be this “perfect” person, and never feeling good enough. It feels amazing being able to be myself and feel beautiful again, every part of me – good or ‘bad’.” – Marianna, Lifestyle & Beauty Blogger

 

Getting to nourish other important relationships in your life

It’s not unusual to neglect certain relationships when you’re married, especially when your partner becomes your everyday and all-in-one person. For Carolina, a Worship and Children’s Ministry Leader from San Diego, it took the end of her marriage to bring her closer to her family and her faith. When her husband left her for another woman, she was devastated and alone for the first time in over a decade.

“Not only was I lost, I was completely blindsided. I had an estranged relationship with my siblings due to a loss in our family years earlier but I had no one else to turn to and I desperately needed their support, so I swallowed my pride and reached out to them. My divorce ended up being the reason we were able to reconcile and are closer than we’ve ever been. I started going to church again and began relying on God to fill the voids in my life. I soon learned that He was the one person who wouldn’t leave me, no matter what. Sometimes we can’t understand why things happen the way they do at the time, but there is a blessing to be found in the heartbreak. I gained true faith and my family back.”

Finding confidence and learning to lean on yourself

If you’re suffering from a marriage that ended due to infidelity or abuse, it’s easy to think that that’s a blow you might not ever be able to recover from. But women all over are turning these lemons into lemonade. Jessica, a Self-Help Coach and Writer from New York, spent months feeling unworthy after finding out that her husband of over 14 years, and dad of their 4 kids, had been unfaithful for almost half of their relationship.

“I felt like a joke. I struggled to even find the energy to get up in the morning most days, even with four bright-eyed babies staring up at me. Then one day, a light in me had switched. I realized I was capable and that there was nowhere to go but up, and I was going to show my children that if I could conquer anything, they could. It was at rock bottom that I found my inner strength and learned to love myself again. I had this toxic mentality that the way people treated me showed me how I should value myself, which was a complete lie. Now I help women all over the country realize their worth and eliminate negative self-talk. I love every second of what I do and I now proudly brag that I’m in a committed relationship with my career!”

Becoming a better parent by being a happy parent

Two people parent better when they are both in better places themselves. Constant bickering and unhealthy conflict handling create a hostile environment for children and one they’re likely to follow in. For Teresa and Taylor, Software Developers from Las Vegas, they made the decision to end their marriage for the sake of their children because of their toxic relationship and inability to get along. They now have joint custody of their children and feel much more successful as co-parents.

“Our children now have the benefit of growing up in two happy households”, they say. “It’s really made all the difference and we have a much better relationship with each other now that we’re not at each other’s throats all the time.”

Consider a Low Budget Wedding for a Happier Marriage

Studies show that couples who spend a lot of money on their wedding have a higher likelihood of divorce, plain and simple. Needless to say this does not mean that everyone who has an expensive wedding is on the road to Splitsville, or that everyone who has a backyard picnic wedding will enjoy a long and fulfilling relationship; but it does spark curiosity. How does a low budget wedding lead to a happier marriage?

While research is not definitive on the answers to this question, it suggests factors such as decreased financial burden and debt post-wedding and couples who opt for a budget wedding being a better match for each other. Specifically, this research found that those who spent $20,000 or more on their wedding had a 1.6 times higher rate of divorce than those couples who spent between $5,000 and $10,000. What’s more, couples who spent under $1,000 had even lower rates of divorce.

What Money Says About Your Wedding

The fact of the matter is that you don’t need a lot of money to declare love and commitment to your partner or to commemorate the day when you do so in the company of loved ones.

Some theories suggest that couples might be using expensive weddings to impress their family and friends, which is probably not the best strategy. I conducted a social media poll, and as one low-budget wedding planner and advocate shared, “If your friends and family are not already impressed by your choice of life partner, the curry shrimp kebabs and Pinterest-perfect wedding arrangements aren’t likely to push them over the edge.”

low budget wedding

Furthermore, money and stress definitely go hand in hand for many couples, and beginning a marriage with unnecessary debt is not a recipe for success (logistically and spiritually). When it comes to finances, being able to openly communicate about what you are coming to the table with financially and your common vision for the wedding are key in making good decisions. Being able to say, “We can’t afford that,” or (perhaps more importantly), “We don’t value that enough to pay for it,” is an important practice for any couple.

A low budget wedding might require a bit more creativity, dedication, and support from family and friends. Here are eight ways you can have the wedding of your dreams without spending a fortune (and perhaps placing your bets on the statistical odds of having a more successful marriage):

Enlist the Help of Family and Friends

Planning a wedding where your family and friends truly participate in making it happen will make the day even more special (and less expensive). From photos and food to music and decorations, accept any and all help from family and friends who are happy to do so. Involving your loved ones in making your wedding beautiful is a lovely way for everyone to celebrate not only your special day but their love for you.

Hire a Culinary School to Cater

wedding catering

Look into if there is a culinary school in your area that caters events. If so, this can be an excellent way to seriously cut down the cost of a caterer, while still serving delicious food that you don’t have to cook yourself. You might not get the same level of professionalism as a full price caterer, but it could be well worth the sacrifice.

Buy Your Own Booze

Choosing a venue that allows you to bring your own booze can hugely cut costs. Head to Costco and stock up on whatever alcohol you choose to provide, and have a friend bartend.

Choose an Outdoor Venue

Eliminating the expensive venue is another way to bring your wedding costs way down. Choosing an outdoor venue such as a park, public university, your own backyard, or a special place that you and your fiance have shared can make for a gorgeous and simple wedding venue. If you don’t plan on getting married in a church or other religious venue, your outdoor location works well for both the ceremony and reception. 

Consider a Destination Wedding

low budget wedding

Believe it or not, a destination wedding can actually be much cheaper. Especially if you choose a country where the dollar stretches, you can afford some luxuries you might not normally spring for in the United States. This option probably isn’t the best fit for those with huge families and/or guest lists, but another perk of the destination wedding is that those who can make it generally use it as an excuse for a vacation, meaning you get to spend far more time with an intimate group of loved ones.

Dont Go Crazy on the Guest List

Getting swept up in wedding politics can spike your budget, so be conscious about who you invite. Remember, this is your day, and it’s okay to want to share it with people who really matter to you. If you’re paying, don’t be afraid to tell your mom she can’t invite her four best friends, and maybe people you haven’t talked to in years simply won’t make the cut.

You could also consider doing an A and B list of invitees. If people on the A list respond that they can’t attend, move on to your B list. And don’t be afraid to be open and honest with certain people about your budgetary constraints. (For example, do a separate celebration with your work colleagues.)

Buy Your Dress Off the Rack

wedding dress

Off-the-rack dresses are often discounted anywhere from 25 to 75%, and you can bring it home with you that day. Or, you could opt for a bridesmaid dress, depending on how fancy you’d like your dress to be.

Save Your Money for Other Expenses

Wedding day is just day number one of a (hopefully) long and loving relationship. Consciously deciding with your partner that you would rather save money for important things like a honeymoon that is just for you, pre-marital counseling, future children, etc. says a lot about your relationship and your priorities.

If you’ve always dreamed of an extravagant wedding day and have the money to spend on it without becoming overly stressed, maybe these ideas don’t apply to you. But if you are like many couples who don’t want to go into serious debt celebrating their love, consider why a low budget wedding might be the perfect start to your happily ever after.

The ‘So Bad They’re Good’ Holiday Films On Netflix

Baby, it’s cold outside. (Actually, it’s downright freezing.) As the festive season draws near, so do the dark, chilly evenings. Luckily, that exact combination gives us all an excuse to slip into the coziest pajamas, grab a warm duvet, and settle in for an epic Netflix binge. What’s more, the streaming site has a handful of holiday gifts that you don’t want to miss. Let’s take a look at the ‘so bad they’re actually good’ holiday films on Netflix you have to watch this year.

#1 – The Princess Switch 

Starring ‘High School Musical’ actor, Vanessa Hudgens, ‘The Princess Switch’ is a must-watch for Netflix and rom-com fans. In the vein of the Parent Trap and other life-swapping flicks, the movie sees two miraculously identical characters switch places and walk a mile in one another’s shoes. 

Hudgens plays both an adorable American baker and a British Princess in this wholesome and kooky comedy. The pair soon hatch a plan to swap lives for a couple of days to see how the other half live. You don’t need a crystal ball to predict what happens next, but the movie feels fresh enough to carry the time-old story.

 

#2 – Christmas Inheritance

Before bratty daddy’s girl, Ellen, can inherit the family business, her father sets her a seemingly simple task. She has to deliver a Christmas card to his former partner in the aptly named town, Snow Falls. When a snowstorm hits the region, she’s stranded with no money and no friends to turn to. For the first time in her life, Ellen has to start from scratch and find her way in the world without the help of her family. 

 

#3 – The Christmas Prince 

If you’re looking for a super soppy rom-com that may make you shed a tear, you’ve found it. The Christmas Prince is an absolute cheese-fest of a film, but don’t let that put you off. Despite the slightly predictable (okay, very predictable!) plot, there’s a lot of warmth here and you might find yourself watching the movie again and again. 

 

 #4 – The Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding 

The 2017 movie ‘The Christmas Prince’ was such a hit for the folks at Netflix that they decided to recreate the magic again this year. Yes, the sequel that we did not ask for ‘The Royal Wedding’ is already out on the streaming site. However, if you’re dying to get more of this cute couple in your life, it’s worth a watch.

 

#5 – The Christmas Chronicles 

If it’s your dream to see Kurt Russell playing Santa Claus (and it should be!), The Christmas Chronicles is the Netflix movie for you. While the flick starts with a heart-wrenching twist, which I won’t ruin for you, it soon picks up to a cheerier note. The film starts by introducing us to the Pierce family; Claire, Teddy, and Kate. Soon enough, the man in the red hat arrives and brings a whole load of the festive spirit with him. The kids find themselves on a magical sleigh ride across the US that turns out to be an adventure they’ll never forget.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex

You were in a beautiful relationship… and then it ended. Now, you have to figure out what to do with the mess in the aftermath. If you ultimately decide you want to be friends with your ex, give yourself a pat on the back. You do need to tread carefully, though, because this type of friendship is unique. Here are seven tips for how to be friends with your ex.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex: 7 Simple Tips

1. Give the Relationship the Time and Space it Needs

Trying to figure out how to be friends with your ex is admirable — and totally doable. Don’t rush it, though. If you broke up a week ago, you both likely need more time and space to grieve the end of the relationship and heal.

Rushing a friendship after a breakup could end up burying hurt feelings that will undoubtedly bubble up and explode later on.

woman learning how to be friends with an ex

2. Avoid Falling Back Into Old Habits

Did you and your ex-partner used to text until the wee hours of the morning? Fun times, those were. Now, they’re over.

You had such a strong bond with this person. Especially if you were together for a long time, it might only feel natural to keep all those old habits. After all, you spent years sending each other stupid memes and texting from the toilet.

However, when you put an end to a relationship, you put an end to the habits and behaviors that went along with it. The nature of your relationship has drastically changed. Also, you need to prepare yourself, because in all likelihood, your ex will move on to someone else. Then, they’ll be texting them from the toilet, not you.

Cut the apron strings now.

And speaking of your ex-partner moving on to someone else…

3. Stay Out of Their New Relationships

You feel entitled to an opinion on the new person they’re dating — obviously. After all, you used to be entitled to an opinion about everything, from how they combed their hair to the way they used to wear socks with sandals.

The difference now, though, is that you’re just their friend. In other words, your ex’s new relationship is none of your beeswax.

If you’re going to commit to being their friend, you have to commit to keeping it positive and refraining from starting any drama. It doesn’t matter if you think they’re rebounding with someone else, jumping into a new relationship too quickly, or doing everything for the new person that they were supposed to do with you.

group of friends learning how to be friends with an ex

Be supportive, or at the very least, stay out of it. The friendship will suffer otherwise.

4. Only Hang Out in Environments That Are “Ex-Friendly”

Did you have your first kiss in the back of a movie theater? Steer clear of that cinema.

Do you know that being alone with them will make it hard to resist certain temptations? Only hang out in groups.

Being friends is wonderful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t need boundaries. In fact, relationships of all kinds have boundaries. It’s how we protect ourselves and each other.

5. Call Them Your Friend — Not Your Ex

Yes, they’re your ex, but now? They’re your friend. Introducing someone or referring to them as your ex makes things weird. It also kind of implies you’re stuck in the past. If you want to be friends, treat it like a friendship — not a relationship that ended.

woman learning how to be friends with her ex

6. Limit Your Social Media Exposure to Them

After a breakup, we certainly love to torture ourselves by watching our ex-partners’ every move on social media. Where did they check in? Who were they with? What kinds of fun were they having without you?

This is a recipe for hurt feelings. Also? Social media stalking is something you do with an ex — not a friend. Remember those boundaries? Set another one: don’t unfriend your ex on Facebook, but consider unfollowing them. Don’t unfollow them on Instagram, but maybe mute their posts.

That way, you control when you want to see them. You won’t risk any undesirable photos popping up on your newsfeed with no warning.

woman on cell phone

7. Avoid Trash Talking to Your Gal Pals

We all need that time after a breakup to vent and talk smack to our friends. Give yourself this time, for sure. However, when you decide you’re ready to be friends with your ex, you have to try to let the negativity go. Keep it positive, leave the gossip behind, and be a friend to your ex both to their face and behind their back.

The Dos and Don’ts of Meeting Your Boyfriend’s Family

If we had to rank meeting your significant other’s family in a list of nerve-wracking relationship moments, we would definitely put it at the top of the list, right along with the first time you  make a joke that just isn’t funny. Don’t let it make you nervous, but this moment is vital and sets the tone for the rest of your encounters with the family. A lot rides on this event, but you can nail it with a bit of help from the experts!

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Don’t Drink Too Much

While it’s perfectly fine to indulge in a glass of wine if offered, it’s not okay to get drunk at his family’s house. Although you may feel more comfortable, you’ll more than likely make a fool out of yourself and say something you didn’t mean to let slip. Keep in mind, post-drunken-comment anxiety will plague your life for many days after the encounter and will be remembered by the family for years to come. A little giggly tipsy is fine, but sloppy drunk is never okay. Just think about Sarah Jessica Parker in The Family Stone. Drinking definitely didn’t enhance her conversational ability. Plus, if you partake in drinking too much, they might think you’re a lush.

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Don’t Let Them See You Sweat

Remember the film Meet the Parents? Gaylord’s fiance’s family noticed the nervousness and preyed on his weakness, making the situation even worse. Plus, his nervousness led to a series of accidents. Do you really want to be known as the woman who loses the family pet or floods the yard with sewage, or would you rather be known as the confident lady who made a lasting positive impression?

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Prospective in-laws have a sixth sense like a dog; they can smell fear. You need to walk in, smile, and swallow every bit of nervousness, so they won’t notice. Act like Dorothy on Golden Girls. She’s a confident woman who, despite her husband’s mother treating her poorly, acted with grace, dignity, and confidence.

Do Laugh

If you should happen to do something clumsy, make a joke and move on. Don’t let it get you down. Nothing is perfect, and you can’t expect something this significant to run 100-percent smoothly. It wouldn’t be a significant event if something didn’t go unexpectedly. And don’t just laugh at yourself, make jokes and show them you have personality, and you’re a down-to-earth person. You don’t want them all talking about the uptight “B” who their son brought home for the holidays.

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Do Have Manners

Always mind your manners by saying please and thank you. You don’t have to eat what you absolutely don’t like, but do accept generosity when it’s something you’d be willing to try. The family ideally wants to be hospitable and wants you to enjoy yourself.. Never take too much, though. You don’t want to be remembered as the heifer of the holidays.

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Don’t Assume the Worst

Most people dread meeting the family and having to spend holidays with their mate’s parents but don’t assume the worst and worry. Every family is different. You might be lucky enough to be welcomed by a sweet, open-minded family who’s looking forward to meeting who their child has chosen. If you lose at Russian In-law Roulette and you have a cold, emotionless shrew of a mother like the one Penny had to meet on the Big Bang Theory, you just have to swallow your pride and deal with the unpleasantry and hope it doesn’t last long.

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Do Observe and Research

It helps to observe and take cues from other family members–as well as your SO–and act accordingly. While it’s important to be yourself, you want to fit into the dynamic. Respect their wishes on nearly all matters. Go with the flow with as much as possible because it will make your time–we don’t want to go as far as to say enjoyable, but we will say–easier.

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Don’t Hesitate to Ask if You’re Unsure

Ask how they would like to be addressed. Don’t walk in calling them Joe and Amy or automatically assume they want to be called Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Wait for cues, and if none occur and you’re unsure of something, just ask. Asking shows you have respect and will lead to a better overall experience. It doesn’t hurt to ask your special someone questions about their family before meeting them, so you know what to expect and what’s expected of you..

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Is It Just a Rough Patch or Should You Break Up?

The arguments have gotten longer and more bitter. The loving late night cuddles are a distant memory. You feel alone but you’re still together. Could it be that your love story has turned into a nightmare? In any long-term relationship, it can be hard to figure this out: are you going through a normal rough patch or should you break up? It’s a tricky question to ask yourself. So, how about a little advice to help you out? Here’s what you need to know.

Constructive Arguing Can Be Healthy

Call it a spat or a lovers’ tiff – all couples argue from time to time. “There’s nothing wrong with couples arguing,” says Cate Mackenzie, a Psychosexual Therapist, Couples Counsellor and Love Coach, and member of COSRT. “The difference is how they repair and how they soothe. If they don’t do any of that, that’s when it starts to be a disaster.” Getting past your conflict in a calm way could be the secret to longevity. One 14-year-long study found that couples who argued frequently but in a peaceful way were more likely to stay together than those who did not. Since it’s unlikely that you have the same opinion on every issue, you have to find a way to healthily deal with disagreements. On the other hand, should you find yourself constantly in vicious battle, you may have to question why that is. Digging up old conflicts when you argue and making the issue bigger than it is will only make the situation toxic. Should this be happening more often than not, you may want to think about whether the relationship is doing more harm than good. couple fighting should you break up

But Relationships Run On Principles

“All relationships run on principles,” says Cate, “and maybe even the couple works out what those principles should be.” When you first start dating someone, you might give no thought to what the main guidelines of your relationship are. Let’s face it, it’s hardly romantic to sit down together and write out your ground rules. However, having these principles in place could help see you through the rockiest of waters. When you’re not sure what each other’s boundaries are within the relationship, it’s no wonder that you might have problems. Explaining to one another what you expect from the offset means that there are no nasty surprises down the line. Then, should one of you break those principles, you can have an honest talk about why that was disrespectful. It doesn’t have to be a “one strike and you’re out” policy. However, if you find that your partner is bulldozing your principles on a regular basis, you have to question where the respect lies. Is it there at all? When you’ve been crystal clear about what you need in a relationship and your partner can’t (or won’t) give you that, it could be time to call it quits.

Certain Lines Shouldn’t Be Crossed

Regardless of how you might feel about someone, there are certain lines which no one should ever cross. “If someone’s violent, you can’t stay,” says Cate. “Of course, it’s totally possible that people can go and get help or work stuff through. But that needs to be thought about because the dangers are so high.” sad woman thinking should you break up What’s more, your partner doesn’t need to raise their hand to you to be abusive. Some of the most damaging cases of abuse are mental rather than physical. According to the Office on Women’s Health, this mistreatment can include gaslighting, insults, humiliation, and threats, among other troubling issues. With that in mind, here are some helpful resources and contact details:

Having respect within a romantic relationship is essential. When you start to notice a pattern of behavior that includes these things, it’s important that you get help. No one should have to be victimized by their partner so the sooner you take action, the better.

No Trust Means No Relationship

Do you trust your partner? If you hesitated before answering, you might want to consider whether the relationship will work out. Getting past a betrayal can be difficult, especially if it comes early on. One study from Ohio State University suggested that when the trust was broken in a new relationship, it was harder to overcome than if it happened later. “First impressions matter when you want to build a lasting trust,” writes Robert Lount, co-author of the study and assistant professor of management and human resources at Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business. “If you get off on the wrong foot, the relationship may never be completely right again. It’s easier to rebuild trust after a breach if you already have a strong relationship.” Either way, when your partner betrays you in some way – be it by cheating on you or sneaking behind your back – it stings. It’s perfectly natural that the pain may leave a lasting scar and one that you can’t get past. If that’s the case, it may be better to walk away now and simply cut your losses.

5 Relationship Books for a Better Love Life

Nights curled up together with interlocked limbs. Days spent on long country walks, smiling coyly at one another as the light catches the horizon. Bliss. Indeed, if every relationship consisted of these endless moments, we’d live in a utopian world. Sadly, we do not. The reality of any relationship is a splatter of the good, the bad, and – on hungover Sunday mornings – the ugly. However, if your relationship has lost that loving feeling and you’re feeling a little blue, there may be something you can do about it. It could be time to quite literally turn the page and read your way to a happier setup. Here are five new romance and self-help relationship books to get you started along the way.

5 Relationship Books to Teach You About Love

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel

best relationship booksThink that self-help relationship books are full of mindless fluff? Think again. Underscored with compelling data and scientific research, The All-or-Nothing Marriage offers a unique take on how to achieve happiness in your relationship. Northwestern University psychologist Eli Finkel dedicated this book to his own life partner with a heartfelt statement. “To my wife, Alison, who thinks it’s hilarious that I’m a marriage expert.”

The book starts with an overview of how marriage has changed over the years. Then, it takes a turn into what that means for the modern-day relationship. Combining quick tips with science-backed advice, this one ought to be your one-stop-shop when it comes to improving your relationship once and for all.

How Luck Happens by Barnaby Marsh and Janice Kaplan

How many hilariously tragic dating tales do you have to hand? If you’re the type of person who is constantly unlucky in love, here’s the relationship book for you. How Luck Happens sets out to answer its title conundrum. New York Times bestselling author Janice Kaplan and academic Dr. Barnaby Marsh tackle the superstitious myths of good and bad luck head-on.

The question at the heart of this guide is simple. Is there such a thing as luck? And, if there is, is it something that you can learn to control? After taking a look at the available research in the area, the two come up with ways in which you can realistically change your fortunes and become lucky in love, life, and just about everything in between too.

The Love Gap by Jenna Birch

Smart, empowered, career-oriented women can’t find love, right? In The Love Gap, journalist and relationship columnist Jenna Birch reaches out to all the confident single ladies to help them navigate the modern-day dating scene. Why is it that so many women find success in every aspect of their beings except relationships?

Being a serial dater herself, the central question was as much a personal quandary as it was the subject of the guide. After a year and a half of hard work and answer-searching, Birch came up with a truly meaningful romance guide. The book contains a treasure chest of information from enlightening interviews with relationship gurus to in-depth research.

Happiness Is A Choice You Make by John Leland

relationship books about happinessLessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old reads the tagline to this one-of-a-kind book. Author John Leland follows the lives of six subjects, all of whom are now in their golden years, in a bid to better understand life and relationships. Dropping in on these individuals at infrequent moments, he learns to understand the true struggles of an aging existence.

Unlike other self-help guides, the lessons learned from Happiness Is A Choice come directly from the subjects themselves. But then, who better to preach about life than those who have been there and done it all? Should you be struggling in your current relationship or desperately seeking that rare slice of joy, you simply have to read this book.

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade

Finally, let’s take a moment to appreciate a relationship book created with the Instagram generation soundly in mind. Heart Talk is an artistic take on the genre, but that doesn’t mean that it deserves to be overlooked. If you’re short on time and need a daily dose of confidence and reassurance, this short book is the way to go.

Think of it as a book of advice from your wisest friend you can keep in your purse. Wade offers mantras, poems, and affirmations that should see you through even some of the rawest times within your relationship. As though that weren’t enough, all of the above scream “beauty and truth.”

Which one of these relationship books will you read first?

The Subtle Signs That You’re Just Not Into Him

The modern world of dating can be tough. It’s hard enough to find a decent person to go on a date with, let alone find one who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Despite that, there’s no reason you should settle for less than you deserve. Here are some of the subtle signs that you’re so not into him.

You’d Rather Hang Out With Your Girlfriends

Your phone buzzes. You look down. It’s him asking you to hang out after work tonight. He’s got some “big plans,” he says. Your heart sinks. Some of the girls from the office are heading out for happy hour cocktails and you honestly don’t want to miss out. You shoot a quick reply saying simply, “Sorry, busy tonight!”

There’s something wrong with this picture. While you shouldn’t drop everything each time he sends you a text, bailing on him also shouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world. However, if there’s no question as to what you’d rather be doing, that’s a major red flag.

girl friends hanging out

You Hardly Ever Think About the Future

Okay, so not every woman meets a guy and starts immediately daydreaming about walking down the aisle. (Some do… and that’s completely fine too!) However, if you’ve not even considered what the future holds for you and him, it could be because you don’t think there is one. If Mr. Right is actually Mr. Right Now, that’s not a huge deal. Just don’t lie to yourself or him about it, or someone could end up getting hurt.

He Never Makes You Laugh

Has your special someone got a good sense of humor? If the answer is a resounding no, it might have more to do with how you feel about him than anything else. In fact, research published in the Evolutionary Psychology Journal found a link between dating interest and both partners laughing.

So, if your guy makes you squeal with laughter, there’s a good chance you’re into him. On the other hand, though, if his jokes fall flat time and time again, you have to wonder why. Either he’s the least funny man on the planet or you’re just not feeling it.

woman not into him

You Don’t Miss Him When You’re Apart

Sure, you don’t want to be the type of lady who pines endlessly for her one true love (or maybe you do…you do you!). But not missing your partner at all isn’t just a sign of sheer independence – it could be a sign you’re not overly invested in the relationship. If you feel undeniable pangs of relief when he goes on a long weekend away without you, you have to question whether you really want to be with him or not.

You Don’t Ever Check Him Out

Your partner gets a new haircut, some new pants, or a new shirt – do you even notice? When was the last time you took a good, long look at your guy? The truth of the matter is when you’re attracted to someone, you can’t help but take your eyes off them. One study from Florida State University found we’re often unable to look away when we see someone who we find seriously attractive. It’s human nature.

A sure-fire sign you’re not that into your current squeeze is if you hardly ever look at them. You don’t notice the small things they do or whether they’ve made an effort for your date. These details are too fine for you to notice… because you’re not trying to.

You Think He Tries Too Hard to Impress

Let’s not beat around the bush: this guy is pulling out all the stops. He spontaneously buys you flowers. He sends you sweet “good morning” texts. When you’re hungry, he cooks. When you’re sleepy, he makes the bed and puts on some soft music. You might say he panders to your every whim – no matter how futile it may be. There’s just one problem.

redhead woman shrugging

You think he’s trying too hard. If any other guy did all of the above (and more), you’d probably be flattered beyond belief. For some reason, though, when this man does it, it makes you feel a little queasy. Why has he gotta try so darn hard, you wonder?

The Spark is Gone (Or It Was Never There!)

Do you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he pulls you near? Do you even feel a little flutter? If there’s absolutely zero feeling, one of two things has happened. Either the spark has faded away over time and you’re only noticing the difference now. Or, if you’ve just started seeing this guy, it was never there in the first place.

Whatever the case, you have to ask yourself why you’re wasting your time here. Life is brief. Relationships come and go. People move on. If you’re not that into him, it might be kindest to him to say your goodbyes now and walk away. As the time-old saying goes, there are plenty more men on Tinder. And don’t we know it?

How to Be a Guest at Your Ex’s Wedding

The mysterious envelope drops through your door. You pick it up and rip it open to find a handmade, glitter-clad wedding invitation. The announcement is loud and clear. Your ex and their partner have decided to make things official. Oh yes, they’re tying the knot and they’ve decided they want you to witness the whole darn thing. Feeling confused? Here’s how you can handle the situation with true class.

Do Think Twice About Attending

It might be a radical notion but you don’t have to attend the wedding simply because you’ve been invited. Let that sink in. Before you rush out and buy a hat for the oh-so-special day, take a moment to really consider whether you want to go or not. If you search the depths of your soul and realize you’re a) not ready to go to your ex’s wedding or b) just plain don’t want to, that’s completely fine. This is 100% your call.

woman guest at a wedding

Don’t Go if You’re Not Over Them

Are you really over your ex? Be honest. Recent research from the Binghamton University and University College London found women suffer higher levels of emotional pain during a breakup than men do. If you’re still crying yourself to sleep at night while watching The Notebook on repeat, you might want to avoid attending your ex’s wedding.

Whether it’s been two weeks (unlikely… but you never know!) or 10 years since you broke up, there’s no shame in admitting you’re still hurt. Own that emotion. Just don’t own it on the dance floor of your ex’s wedding reception while weeping and tunelessly singing the latest Adele hit. You don’t want to be that girl. Nobody does.

Do Get a Brand New Outfit

If you’ve determined yes, you are absolutely over your ex, going to their wedding is an adult gesture. However, you’re not a saint. The last thing you want is to turn up to the big day looking like you just rolled out of bed and sprinted over. No. You deserve to look incredible. Plus, it could give you the boost you need.

woman trying on dresses

One psychological theory suggests the clothes we wear can have a direct impact on our cognitive processes, i.e. how we think. Experts have put forward the notion of “enclothed cognition,” which is the effect our outfit can have on how we feel. Wearing a new dress that makes you feel powerful and beautiful could make all the difference.

Don’t Try to Outshine the Bride

While you want to look awesome, you musn’t outshine the bride. You need to walk the tightrope here. This is her special day and she won’t take too kindly to being upstaged by her soon-to-be husband’s ex.

When it comes to picking your outfit, rule out any tight-fitted, low cut, and uber short little numbers. Search for a dress that makes you feel incredible but is still sophisticated and chic. That might be a tall order but it’s an excuse to have a serious shopping trip.

bride with her wedding guest

Do Take the Time to Compliment Her

Put yourself in the bride’s shoes. She’s been a big person and agreed to let her fiance’s ex come to her wedding. That’s a massive deal. The least you could do here is try to make her feel comfortable with that decision by showing you’re not a threat. Throwing a compliment or two her way when you say hello is a simple way to do just that.

Remember, complimenting someone is an art form. Research suggests a genuine compliment can increase happiness levels and improve social interactions. However, you don’t want to come across as fake. To avoid this tricky issue, choose something you’re genuinely impressed by to compliment. Be specific. For instance, you might love the bride’s hair or the flowers she picked out. Be honest and you’re onto a winner.

Don’t Drink Too Much Alcohol

When the champagne is flowing, it’s easy to get carried away and guzzle down more than you should. Cool it. Spoiler: alcohol makes people do and say things they would never dream of doing or saying when they’re sober. Alcohol limits the amount of oxygen your brain gets, which basically turns you into a giant child.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a drink or two at the wedding, but set yourself a limit. You know yourself better than anybody else. Decide how much is an acceptable amount and stick to it. It might sound boring but the hangover and cringingly embarrassing flashbacks the next day are not worth it.

wedding guests drinking

Do Take a Date (if You Have a Plus One)

If you’ve been granted a plus one on the wedding invitation (and you’re dating someone), you’d better use it. Taking that special someone with you will only help to ease any social awkwardness. You’ve moved on and you’ve got someone new on your arm to prove it. Plus, having a friendly face by your side will help calm any nerves you may have.

Golden rule: tell your date it’s your ex’s wedding in advance. Seriously. If you keep that little nugget of information to yourself and the person you take finds out when you’re there, it could be a disaster. The best case scenario here is they think it’s no big deal and act graciously. The worst is they feel like a pawn in your childish revenge plot, freak out, and leave you at the dinner table. You don’t want to risk it.

The takeaway is simple. So long as you’re on good terms and you’re over them, attending your ex’s wedding doesn’t have to be a huge drama. Take things easy. This day is not at all about you. It’s about two people, who love one another, making a lifelong commitment. Leave the fact you used to date one of them at the door and have a blast.