Category Archives: LOVE

5 Love Rules You Need to Stop Believing

Forget rom-coms. Being in a committed, long-term relationship takes energy, effort, and, yes, damn hard work. Some days, it’s not easy. Some days, it is. However, the painfully over-the-top, sickly sweet rhetoric around relationships can often be too much to stomach. Here are some of the so-called love rules you need to stop believing.

5 Love Rules to Toss Out ASAP

1. Monogamy is the Only Way to Go

Boy meets girl…. Meets another boy and/or girl? Gone are the days when this was a topic solely discussed in hushed tones amid conspiratorial glances. Non-monogamous relationships aren’t quite the taboo they used to be. In 2016, national statistics found one in five Americans had been in a relationship of this type.

What’s more, open relationships can be just as satisfying as monogamous ones, according to a recent study from the University of Guelph. As a golden rule, it’s important to structure a polygamous relationship so it suits both you and your partner. So long as you’re both getting what you need from the relationship – psychologically and sexually – you’re likely to be satisfied with the setup, noted Jessica Wood, research lead.

2. Relationships Should Be Fairy Tales

Quit comparing your relationship to everybody else’s. On the surface level, most couples seem content and blissfully in love with one another. However, you should remember you only see one side of them – the side they show the public. No relationship is a fairy tale 365 days a year… and neither should it be.

couple having an argument

It might sound cliche but every relationship is as unique as the people in it. Presuming there’s a one-size-fits-all formula for a happy life together is naive. In the end, it’s important to remember each couple has their own way of getting along. As long as you and your partner feel happy, supported, and fulfilled, that’s all that matters.

3. Arguing is a Sign of the End

Whether it’s bickering about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or fighting about your finances, all couples argue. Should these spats become more and more frequent, you could be forgiven for thinking it’s the beginning of the end. However, that is likely not the case – so long as you argue effectively.

Couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to be in a happy relationship than those who ignore their problems, the Guardian recently reported. The reason is approaching issues oftentimes helps to solve them and means they won’t fester under the surface for years to come.

4. You Should Do Everything Together

Spending every minute of every day together might sound utterly romantic on the surface, but it could be a recipe for disaster. Making this mistake is a surefire way to fall into a humdrum routine and, frankly, get tired of each other’s company.

friends hanging out

Not only should you spend time with your own social circles outside of the relationship, but it could also help to make plans with other couple friends. Research from Wayne State University suggested that double-dating, i.e. hanging out with other couples, could be an effective way of relighting your romantic fire. The results suggested socializing this way could lead to a happier, more satisfying relationship.

5. You Can “Fix” an Unhappy Relationship

Staying in a relationship when you’re desperately sad is a mistake. In fact, it could quite literally kill you. People in unhappy relationships are more likely to have suicidal thoughts than those in happy relationships, according to a study conducted by the Medical University of Vienna. The research also linked being dissatisfied in a relationship to feelings of hopelessness and depression.

You may be under the impression even the most toxic of relationships are salvageable, but that’s not always the case. Should your partner or your situation be causing you distress, the smartest move may be to simply walk away. While there’s no doubt this is a difficult decision to make, putting your mental health first is crucial.

6 Small Ways to Say I Love You

When was the last time you retweeted your partner’s corny jokes? Gave them a surprise gift—naughty or nice? It might seem small, but in relationships, it’s the little things that bond us together. “Actions really do speak louder than words and many people consider a loving gesture to be as valuable as hearing ‘I love you’,” says Jacqui Gabb, the co-author of the “Enduring Love?” study. “Grand romantic gestures, although appreciated, don’t nurture a relationship as much as bringing your partner a cup of tea in bed or watching TV together.”

Ready to subtly sweep your partner of his or her feet? “The easiest way: find out your partner’s love language. Your other half most likely gives you love the way he or she likes to receive it,” says Jennifer Seip, an Individual, Couple, and Sex Therapist. She also recommends discovering your own love language and jotting down the things that your partner does that make you swoon.

“You may have a primary love language, one or two that you gravitate toward the most, but that just means you should work on the other ones,” adds John Kim, a licensed therapist and the co-founder of JRNI. Here are 6 small ways to speak fluent love, not broken.

 

Words of Affirmation

If your love language is words of affirmation, kind, encouraging, and positive comments can refuel your love tank. While hearing the phrase, “I love you,” is important, hearing the reasons behind that love cranks up your love-o-meter. Insults will leave you with emotional bullet holes that aren’t easily forgotten.

I love you 1

Make a list of 10 reasons why you love your significant other. Write each one on a separate sticky note and hide them around the house. “I’ll put one on my husband’s steering wheel before work or a lipstick kiss on a sticky note over his sink in the bathroom—my little ways of showing him how much he means to me,” says Stephanie Pass, The Tiptoe Fairy. “A few years ago, Nate gave me a hand-painted jar full of love notes. I still haven’t gotten completely to the bottom of the jar yet.”

 

Quality Time

If your love language is quality time, then conversations and activities—with your cell phone tucked away, your fork and knife down, and your household chores on standby—are your romantic bread and butter. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen will thrust you into a romantic rut.

I love you 2

When it comes to exercise, the magic number might be two—as in your partner plus you. “Some of the strongest relationships I’ve seen are those with people who exercise together,” says Shane Allen, a certified personal trainer and sports nutritionist. “Common goals and shared routines are what help make a relationship, as well as our bodies, stronger.” Hit a health club with free babysitting services like Blast Fitness, World Gym, or the YMCA. Rock climbing, AcroYoga, boxing, and weightlifting are workouts with romance built in.

 

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. In the vernacular of receiving gifts,  nothing says, “I love you,” like the thoughtfulness and effort behind the bow. Whether the gift is small and thrifty or grand and expensive, it shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring it to you. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, and hasty, thoughtless gifts will poison Cupid’s arrows.

I love you 4

Create a mixtape.It’s one of the most personal, intimate, and romantic gestures you can do for someone you love. While records and cassettes have been dug out of the dustbin of history, a digital playlist allows you to continually add songs that show how you feel toward each other.

 

Acts of Service

Can scrub-a-dub-dubbing dishes in gawky, rubber gloves really be an expression of love? If you’re a part of the “hate to do the dishes” club, you betcha. If you’re fluent in this love language, you understand taking the burden off your partner’s shoulders speaks volumes. The words he or she most want to hear are “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for your lover will cause your wires to cross.

I love you 3

Make date night a weekly event even if you can’t afford a babysitter.“A date night…conveys to the couple is that they are creating a unique and special space for one another,” says Matt Garrett of Relationships Australia. It doesn’t have to be a full-on, three-course meal with the violinist in the background and a dozen roses. You might, say, fill your couple’s bucket list, watch the sunrise, or play a game of strip scrabble.

 

Physical Touch

“Of all the love languages, touch is the most primal,” says Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. “It supersedes language and symbolic gestures.” If you speak this love language, you get your jollies—not surprisingly—from skinship. From hot-and-heavy, foot-popping kisses to lingering handshakes, touch is the bedrock that’ll make your bed rock. Physical abuse and neglect will cause your relationship to splinter.

I love you 5

Even if you’re not a touchy-feely person, you can still celebrate with high fives and fist bumps. “If we’re proud of each other, find something funny, both think the same thing at the same time, think about how much we love each other, or even if we argue and get bored of fighting, it’s ‘boom, fist bump time’,” says Emma W. “It’s…a little sign of what a great team we are and shows that he’s my buddy and teammate forever.”

Supercharge your relationship by giving your partner a regular neck, back, foot, or full body massages. “My husband [Dennis] and I have been massaging each other for ten years now—giving [a muscle-melting] massage is something we do as a treat for the other or when we feel like our marriage needs some extra loving,” says Emma Merkas, the co-founder of Melt: Massage For Couples.

4 Bizarre Yet Romantic Dating Rituals From Around the World

If you’re a young, single, hot-blooded American, you’ll know just one fundamental truth: The modern-day dating scene is seriously confusing. From flicking through Tinder to chatting on Bumble, trying to find “the one” is something of a technological nightmare. If trying to find the love of your life online seems a tad odd, you should know that it’s not the strangest dating ritual out there. Call me a romantic, but I’ve always been deeply interested in how people express their love. In fact, over the years, I’ve heard tales of many weirdly wonderful displays of affection. While studying, I was lucky enough to live with friends from many different countries, from Wales to Holland. When our late night girly chats turned to the delicate subject of love, I was surprised that not all of us had the same traditions. With that in mind, here are just four dating rituals from around the world.

The Japanese Confess Their Love Before They Date

 dating rituals from around the world

Make no mistakes, the L-word is a massive deal. For most of us, taking this leap only comes when we’re completely secure in the relationship, i.e. when we know our partner won’t bolt at the very notion of it. Over in Japan, though, young lovebirds confess their feelings for one another before they even start their relationship. Before this utterance, the couple can only be platonic. There’s no such thing as seeing each other or merely hooking up. No, it’s all or nothing — the ultimate form of romantic commitment or “just pals.”

The word “kokuhaku” (translating as confession) is not just a revelation between two former friends. Instead, it marks the beginning of the pair’s official relationship. From that moment on, the two are exclusively romantic with one another, so you have to be absolutely certain of your feelings before you dare proclaim them.

The Welsh Love to “Spoon”

dating rituals around the world

It’s not what you think. In Wales, spooning does not refer to cuddling up tightly in bed, though the Welsh likely enjoy that as much as anyone else. No, the word takes a much more literal form. In this rather bizarre display of affection, when a man would like to date a woman, he has to go to the painstaking effort of carving a wooden spoon for her by hand. And, of course, it can’t be any old style of spoon. The Welsh “love spoon” isn’t complete without intricate detail adorning its wooden shaft.

The ritual actually dates way back to the 16th century when men and women could not so freely date as they can now. Back then, the idea was that the Welsh soon-to-be in-laws would watch over the man as he took painstaking efforts to craft the spoon, which would then be gifted to his bride on their wedding day.

Shoes are the Way to a Malaysian Girl’s Heart 

dating traditions around the world

Now, from old-timey traditions to something far more modern. If you happen to be a man in Malaysia, you should know that there’s only one way to a woman’s heart — shoes. Back in 2012 as part of a frankly genius marketing campaign, dating agency Lunch Actually and retailer Shoes, Shoes, Shoes teamed up to match single ladies with suitors based solely (see what I did there?) on their love of fine footwear.

So, how did this hair-brained scheme work? Well, it was pretty simple. Any given woman could walk into the Kuala Lumpur-based store, buy a pair of heels from the specific range and leave their details with the cashier. After that, they would be matched with a potential love interest (based on the shoes they bought) and a date would be arranged. What’s more, during the date, said guy would present them with a discount voucher for the very same store. Bonus.

The Dutch Like to Bundle Up Together

dating rituals around the world

Finally, it’s perhaps the most romantic of all the dating rituals: bundling. Historically, young lovers in Holland would quite literally jump into bed with one another in the early stages of courtship. There was just one catch: they wouldn’t have sex. Instead, bundling or queesting was an act of intimacy which involved getting cozy beneath the sheets and engaging in everything from deep conversation to light-hearted banter. The idea was that the pair would get to know one another in this private setting and decide whether they were, in fact, made for one another.

Oh, and if you’ve heard the term before, it’s no huge surprise. In fact, in recent years, the word “queesting” has burrowed its way into American-English slang. It even has an Urban Dictionary entry and the meaning hasn’t changed much, either. It is listed as “inviting a lover under the cover for the purposes of chit-chat.”

Can Online Dating Lead to True Love?

Lonely-hearters rejoice: cupid’s arrow is turning digital. Proof? More than 5% of Americans met Mr. or Ms. Right online, according to the Pew Research Center.  More than 49 million Americans—a third of them unmarried millennials—have jumped onto the online dating bandwagon.

And why not? Online dating services provide scientific matches that are based on 400-question personality surveys.  According to the Laws of Attraction, the other ingredients to a long-lasting relationship are physical attraction, reciprocity, similarity, and proximity. The latter is where e-dating swoops in. It allows busy professionals, who may have particular types, orientations, or lifestyles, to fish for potential partners on a global scale, without much risk or time commitment.

Blond beautiful blogger kissing for selfie against pink

More good news: Cyber marriages also have higher satisfaction rates and lower divorce rates than offline couples— just 6 percent of couples who met online of couples who met online (as compared to 7.6 percent of couples who met traditionally) call it quits after 8 years, the average length of a marriage in the U.S.

Ready to click your first love letter in binary code?  Not so fast. Internet dating can lead to happily ever after, but it can also be a dead end at heartbreak lane. So, we’re helping you uncross your wires by looking at the good, the bad, and the ugly when finding love on the Net.

Pretty little liar

Online dating has a dark side. According to a 2007 study published in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, roughly 9 out of 10 people included white lies on their dating profiles. The number one lie: size. On average, women fudged their weight by 8.5 pounds while men fibbed by only 2 pounds, although they misrepresented their heights, rounding up a half  .

Closeup portrait of a beautiful redhead woman using smartphone

Luckily, Paul Bunyan-sized lies are rare.  “There were a few extreme lies in the sample, including a three inch lie about height, a 35 pound lie about weight, and an 11 year lie about age,” writes Catalina Toma, an assistant professor of communications at Cornell University. “This may be one reason that people believe lying is so rampant in online dating, especially since these extreme lies are more likely to be circulated.”

Another study, published in 2009 in The Journal of Communication, found that most women’s profile photos were 17 months old and professionally retouched, with glossier hair, fuller lips, and a flawless complexion. However, men’s avatars were on average only 6 months old.

tinder
Happy Zoe / Shutterstock.com

The silver lining: people are less likely to lie about their political affiliations.  Dating is a place where your vote counts: 50% of people won’t date outside of their political party, according to a 2008 OkCupid survey, .  And what about that other taboo: religion?? While apps like Tinder are winning the numbers game with 50 million users and counting, sites like JDate, Christian Mingle, Single Hindus, Muzmatch, and even Atheist Passions are gaining ground. “What I’ve seen is a trend going toward spirituality, as opposed to a defining religion,” said Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert and dating coach, in an interview with Today. “Even when people are raised with religion, they’re more inclined to be open.”

Happily ever after

Need proof that true love can exist online? Here it is. With a click of a mouse, these online daters’ lives changed forever.

happy couple

Chicago-native LaKitia met her husband, Jeremy, on Black Singles in 2008.  “I ignored his profile based on his picture,” Lakitia admitted. “In it, he had an afro. He was hot. He was sweaty. He just looked annoyed.”  He only scored an 83% in compatibility. After several bad dates, this Chi-town city slicker sent the Texas farm-boy a wink.  The couple dated for 4 years, breaking up twice. “[We] always found our way back together,” Lakitia said. “After 4 years of dating, he proposed. “We’re embarking on our second wedding anniversary next month.”


Brita was in the middle of an internship in Columbus, Ohio when she signed up for OkCupid. “I was only interested in casual dating,” Brita said. “I already had a job lined up in New York.” Two and a half weeks before she was supposed to fly to the Big Apple, Dan, a Findlay, Ohio resident, sent her a punctuation joke and the two of them hit it off. But neither of them wanted a long-distance relationship.  Agreeing to be friends, they skyped and chatted via phone for the next few months. “I was in love with him a full month before he asked me to be his girlfriend [by email],” Brita gushed. On Thanksgiving, she met the whole family, and by Christmas, the couple was discussing marriage. “We both agreed we would need to spend time living in the same state before getting married. I moved back to Columbus once my contract was up, almost a year exactly after our first date,” she said. On the weekend of their second anniversary, Dan proposed. The couple tied the knot five months later.  They’ve been married for 2 ½ years.

What do you think about online dating?  Have you tried it?  Let us know in the comments section.

Relationship Milestones: How Men and Women Really View Them

You know the drill. You meet the one, fall in love, and live happily ever after. It’s an age-old fairy tale. But do men really see things differently to women? Are they really from Mars while we’re from Venus? Here’s how couples – both men and women – see some of the major relationship milestones.

5 Relationship Milestones (and How We View Them)

The First Kiss

The date’s gone well, he’s walked you to your door (or your Uber!), and the time has come to say your goodbyes. You’re ready. The time is now. You want to seal the deal with a kiss. You take a breath, lean in, and let the magic happen.

It’s terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Your heart beats faster than you thought possible. You wonder what’s going through his head. Women tend to put more significance on the act of kissing, according to research from the University at Albany.

The study found major differences between the ways in which men and women view locking lips. While women tend to insist on kissing before having sex, many men are happy to do the deed without ever puckering up.

The First Real Fight

Spoiler: couples fight. It happens.

man and woman arguing

But when you’re new to a relationship, that first big heartbreaking argument can feel like the end of everything you’ve built together. What’s more, some people (I’m looking at you, men!) think that it just might be.

Women recover better than men do in the wake of an argument, according to research from Penn State. The study looked at how couples who were expecting a child cope with relationship conflict. Overall, the findings suggested men find it harder to get over fights, arguments, and disagreements with their partner.

It’s only natural men would see the first fight as more consequential than it is. They might view it as an omen of the troubled waters ahead or a sign that, on some fundamental level, the relationship is doomed to failure. On the other hand, women have a much easier time forgiving and forgetting… oh, and moving on!

Saying “I Love You”

From the moment these three fateful words are said, the entire relationship changes. You’re no longer simply seeing one another. This is real. You’re in love. Things just got serious. Timing is everything when it comes to this one. This one is a biggie, in terms of relationship milestones.

Unsurprisingly, men and women have quite different ideas on when they should declare their undying love for a new partner.

couple in love in garden

Men are more than twice as likely to say “I love you” within the first week of dating a new partner, according to a study by Mattress Online.

The results showed 2% of women would consider saying it within the first week, while 5% of men would do the same. After the three-month mark, more than half of the people surveyed – both male and female – said they would expect to use the L-word.

Moving In Together

Dating is one thing, but are you ready to pack up all your belongings and move for your partner? Taking the leap and moving in together is perhaps one of the biggest relationship milestones.

It’s not just about saving money and splitting the bills. It’s a sign your partnership is no temporary arrangement. No matter how hard you try to kid yourself otherwise, it’s a massive deal – and you both know it.

If you’re wondering why your special guy isn’t psyched about handing over the keys, there’s something you should know. Women benefit more from moving in with their partners than men do.

Research from Ohio State University found women experience a general decrease in emotional distress when they move in with their significant other.

relationship milestones

However, men did not experience this unexpected benefit of cohabiting. So, perhaps it’s no wonder that he sees it as “no big deal.”

The Proposal

When will he drop down to one knee and pop that all-important question? This is one of those relationship milestones many women lose sleep over, and it’s no great secret the way in which men and women view marriage is strikingly different. The varying opinions on when the time is right could be the reason few couples see eye to eye on this subject.

The stats speak for themselves. A massive 91% of men wouldn’t consider proposing to their partner until they were two years into the relationship, according to one survey. That’s startling, given that 63% of women want a proposal during the first year of dating.

With that in mind, when your significant other does decide to make things official and ask for your hand, there’s one thing you can be certain of: they mean it. Typically, men take longer to mull over the idea of marriage before they dive into it. While women contemplate it as well, we are, on average, faster in looking for that level of commitment.

5 Relationship Books That Will Take You to the Next Level

It all seems so simple. You meet. You fall in love. You live happily ever after. But what happens after you’ve ridden off into the sunset? The truth, though few of us want to admit it, is that solid, stable relationships take work. You may not always be totally in sync with your partner – and that’s okay! It’s what you do about it that matters. This is where relationship books come in handy. They’re cheaper than a therapist and serve as a little DIY relationship help.

Luckily, there are a whole load of relationship books out there that offer hands-on tips and support. With that in mind, here are just five relationship books all women should read.

5 Relationship Books for Couples You Need to Check Out

1. How to Be Married by Jo Piazza

how to be married

If you’re about to tie the knot, the title of this book is probably all too familiar. Perhaps it’s the quandary that’s resonated in your mind ever since he dropped to one knee and you said yes. Author Jo Piazza knows that feeling. At the age of 34, she found “the one,” and a mere three months later, the two got engaged.

Soon enough, she found herself wondering how, as a strong, independent woman, she could square being someone’s life partner. The thought pushed her to travel the world, seeking advice from married women in a variety of cultures. Luckily for us, she documented this journey in the enlightening How to Be Married. It really is a must-read.

2. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

We’re supposed to believe when we meet the right person, our emotional barriers will naturally fall away and we will be completely open with them. That’s not always the case. It’s hard for some of us to be vulnerable. In Attached, authors Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explore the science of human attachment.

More than just a theoretical look at the confusing world of modern relationships, this book is a practical guide too. It offers a range of easy-to-follow action plans you can try for yourself. The idea is you can overcome any attachment issues you may have by understanding what makes you tick. Simple.

3. Our Q&A a Day: 3-Year Journal for 2 People

relationship booksHow often do you check in with your partner? Do you still ask them silly, funny, or quirky questions? And what about life’s big questions? Do you ask them about those too? When you’re in a long-term relationship, the mundanity of the day-to-day can often get in the way. The deep, meaningful conversations you once had may melt away.

That’s where the Q&A a Day book comes into play. As the title suggests, this is a couple’s journal which asks you both to answer just one question per day. From “What are 3 things you wish for?” to “What’s the most spontaneous thing you did this week?” the questions seek to spark new conversations. If you’re looking for a way to get closer, you might just have found it.

4. Getting Over Mad by Judy Ford

Arguing. Fighting. Bickering. Relationships peppered with these toxic things are doomed to failure. Or so we think. In the book Getting Over Mad, Judy Ford looks at ways in which we can not only deal with our anger but overcome it too. If you’ve ever spent an evening locked in a never-ending “debate” with your partner, this is the book for you.

While it covers all manner of relationships, this guide is particularly helpful for people who are struggling with anger issues in their romantic relationship. It offers practical, simple advice that can help you quit fighting and start loving again. This could be just the thing to stop your relationship from fizzling out for all the wrong reasons.

5. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Clear communication is the foundation of any relationship. If it feels as though you and your significant other speak two different languages, you might be onto something. This #1 New York Times bestseller looks at the ways in which modern couples communicate and examines the differences each of us have.

Aside from the obvious communication element to the book, it’s also jam-packed with advice on how to keep things fresh with your partner. The guide was first published way back in 1995 but has recently been updated. With rave reviews, it’s worth a shot!

What relationship books have you read? Let us know in the comments below!

5 Tips for Handling a Workplace Breakup

Breaking up is hard to do and feels more unbearable when you’re forced to work with your ex. Since most relationships end in either heartbreak or marriage bells, why do we take the risk at work? The answer may be in the time spent together. The average employed person spends seven to eight hours working per day, and a report from 2015 showed that only 24% of the workforce spent some or all of that time at home. This means that most of us are passing more time with our office mates than anyone else, and common interests or goals may cause the lines between professional and personal lives to blur. According to CareerBuilder.com, 39% of its employees dated a co-worker at least once during their professional career. Unfortunately, this can only mean more than one messy workplace relationship breakup too.

Even though we know we probably shouldn’t, we sometimes can’t seem to help but get romantically involved with the people we work with. Did you attempt workplace dating and then go through a nasty split? Here are five steps to help you navigate the choppy waters after going through a workplace relationship breakup.

Vent to Friends Who Don’t Work With You

Venting can help you feel better, but avoid doing it at work. Instead, why not meet your sister or childhood friend at one of your homes? If your best friend is the person sitting in the next cubicle, wait for after-work drinks or coffee to talk. Finding closure is important; but once you cross the office threshold, leave the tension at the door. At work, you want to be known as the person who benefits the company, not the one who co-workers and supervisors associate with drama.

friends drinking coffee

Plus, you wouldn’t want to put a co-worker friend in a weird position. If that person happens to like your ex, that’s their choice, and it’s no one’s place to try to change or tarnish that. Sometimes, it’s just easier to keep certain conversations off-limits — and the conversation of your workplace relationship breakup might be one of them.

Be Respectful of Yourself, Your Ex, and Your Co-workers

Personal relationships can motivate us to work better, but they can also create an uncomfortable environment. It’s important to keep your eyes on the prize, and at work, that means progressing the success of the company and earning a paycheck. No one will appreciate you for inhibiting either target. It may sound harsh, but this company isn’t about you or the heartbreak you’re going through. Remember why you are there and what you’re being paid to do.

The best way to respect everyone, including yourself, is to arrive with a positive and assertive attitude. It’s not necessary to be Susie Sunshine. You’re still human, after all. However, you do need to be professional and add to a productive environment. Otherwise, you’re only making yourself look bad and jeopardizing your reputation.

coworkers

Remind Yourself of Your Ex’s Professional Strengths

Are you required to collaborate with your ex on a project? Is he or she your supervisor? If avoidance is impossible, remind yourself of the benefits of working with them. Perhaps their communication skills always win clients over, or their personality is perfect for calming tense environments. Remembering why you’re working with them in the first place can help put things into perspective. After all, you did like and admire them at one point. Those particular feelings don’t have to go away. Even though you didn’t make it as a couple, you might still be able to find reasons that person is amazing at what they do.

If you’re really strong, try complimenting them after a job well done. Not only will he or she appreciate the gesture (and possibly pay you a compliment in return), but it will show the office that you’re a composed and dependable professional. Take the high road, stay classy, and prove to yourself you can totally handle this.

Let Your Work Distract You

It’s normal that everything, from the lunch room to the water fountain, may remind you of your ex-love, but chase those memories away with your current task or project. Throwing yourself at your work will not only make each moment easier but help make the day go by faster. Before you know it, you’ll be able to return home and wallow with pizza, ice cream, and the Gilmore Girls revival (or any other way you prefer).

blond woman working on laptop
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t acknowledge and deal with your feelings. Burying them and bottling them up just means you’re going to explode with anger or sadness (or both) later on down the line. Give yourself time to heal and get over things. Just don’t dwell on it too much, or you’ll drive yourself nutty.

Be Transparent With Your Ex

Are you still able to have a somewhat civil conversation with your ex? Fantastic! You should be proud of yourself. While you may not want to do this while at work, there’s nothing wrong with being upfront with your ex about how you’re feeling since your workplace relationship breakup. If you feel uncomfortable at work and can tell they do to, sometimes, a simple text saying, “Hey, I know it’s weird, but we just need time,” is all it takes.

Worst Case Scenario, Consider a Move

Sometimes, a move can be the best decision for your mental, emotional, and professional well-being. Before spending your breakfast hour poring over the classifieds, however, consider all of your options. Are you in the best situation for career enhancement? Do you work for a large company with the opportunity for lateral movements? Remember, you may not need to leave the company to remove yourself from an undesirable situation.

Don’t mistake this for running away. No, you don’t want to run away from your problems. But there’s a big difference between avoiding dealing with your troubles, and simply choosing to put yourself in a more positive environment. If you really and truly believe you can no longer be in the same area as your ex because it’s detrimental to your wellbeing, then plan your next move out of there.

Have you ever gone through a workplace breakup? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments below.

Relationship Journals: A Quick How-To

It finally happened. You met the perfect partner and they just so happen to feel the same way about you. You dated for a while, DTR-ed, and now you’re living in a blissful state of happiness together. Job done, right? Wrong. Contrary to popular belief, real relationships take work. That’s where relationship journals come in. Keeping track of where you and your partner are at and how you feel is essential. Luckily, we have just the thing to help you along the way. Here’s how to journal for your relationship.

Create a Daily To-Do List

Let’s be real. We all know healthy relationships are built on trust, love, and mutual respect. And yet, when you’re stressed out, tired, or blue, you may forget to express these things. Well, you can use a relationship journal to do the hard work for you. Simply create a daily to-do list of ways you can show your partner you care.

For example, you could create a target to cuddle your partner or make time to hear about their workday. Every little bit helps. In fact, a recent study from Penn State University found gestures such as hugs and random acts of kindness are the real way to people’s hearts. Americans put these small things at the top of their lists when it came to what made them feel loved and appreciated. Go ahead and do them!

relationship journals

Note What You Appreciate About Them

Do you appreciate your partner and the quality of your relationship? If you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years, you may have forgotten just how good you have it. Each week, use your journal to note down the things you truly love about that special someone and all they do for you. There are likely hundreds of gestures that have slipped under your radar.

Remember, nothing is too small to appreciate. If your partner cooked you dinner, did the dishes, or just remembered to pick up milk after work, write it down. This act will remind you your partner always has your back and helps you out. Appreciation is a deep form of true love.

Write Down Any Issues You Have

Real life is not a romance novel. Every relationship has its challenges and that’s perfectly okay. What matters is how you approach these issues and what you do about them. Ignoring the flaws or problems you come across will only mean they get worse and worse over time.

Rather than carelessly sweeping these issues under the rug, write them in your journal and rate how you feel about them. You could create an emotional rating system of one to five – one being the least impactful and five being the most. If a problem is consistently getting fours and fives on your scale, it may be time to have an honest, open conversation about it. Communication is key, and relationship journals can help with this.

writing in a relationship journal

Set Long-Term Couple Goals

Where do you see this relationship going? What are your hopes for the future? These may be things you have never sat down and discussed with your partner, but you should. The last thing you want is for your relationship to stall and stagnate! Deciding on some long-term goals for the two of you is a smart way to keep things moving forward.

Talk about how you visualize the future and make it happen. Perhaps you want to go on a month-long trip together. Perhaps you’d like to buy your first home or plan a wedding. These dreams are valid, but they’re only going to happen if you take steps toward them.

Then Break Them Down Into Targets

Reaching these goals won’t happen overnight. To help you get there, break them down into small, manageable targets. For example, if your goal is to buy a home together, you could create a monthly budget to help you save for a down payment. If you want to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip, set small tasks that will help you plan it. Simple.

Experiment a Little With Your Journal

Needless to say, the bond you have with your partner is completely unique and you may find you need different things from the journaling experience. You have complete control here. Feel free to create sections of your own design and try new things. Just as every relationship is different, our relationship journals can be too. So, why wait? Get journaling today.

10 Things That Happen After Moving in With Your Partner

That special someone finally popped the question: “Will you move in with me?” You’ve been dating for a while and now it’s time to take things to the next level. You couldn’t be more excited. But before you start packing up all your things, check out these 10 unexpected things that happen when moving in with your partner.

1. You Realize How Much Stuff You Have

Who knew you were a secret hoarder? When moving day comes around and you finally take stock of the endless boxes you have, it may be a shock. Accumulating random trinkets, clothes you don’t wear, and books is easier than you think, especially if you’ve been living alone for quite some time. Whoops!

When you add that to your partner’s haul, the mass of stuff piles up. Unless you have extensive storage options in your new love shack (unlikely), it might be time to get rid of the things you just don’t need — the both of you.

2. You’ll Have to Talk About Money

Money. It’s one of the main issues couples can’t see eye to eye on or even talk about. In fact, only 33% of people in relationships say both partners share an equal role in financial decision making, according to a Stress in America survey. When you take the plunge and start cohabiting, you’re going to need to have the conversation. If you never broach the topic, one of you could quickly end up resenting the other for spending less on groceries or other expenses. Not a great start to your newfound living status.

3. Date Night Turns Into a Netflix Binge Session

moving in with your partner

Dating before you lived with one another was a magically romantic thing. Spoiler: those days are well and truly over. Now, your dates are more likely to consist of curling up on the sofa in your PJs and watching Netflix for a few hours. While there’s a lot to be said for that, taking the time to get out together now and then is sure to be a refreshing change too. After all, you don’t want the only time you see one another to be in your home.

4. Your Meal Portions Get Larger and Larger

The single life is all about ramen, cereal, and toast. Cooking a massive meal for yourself seems a little pointless. Suddenly, though, when you live with your partner, it’s a whole new ball game. You eat what they eat and, much of the time, that means chomping on larger portions than ever before. From huge stews to tasty curries, there’s a whole world of delicious cuisines out there for you to explore together. But remember, you don’t have to keep up with your partner’s appetite.

5. Your Bathroom Habits Become Less Private

What you do in the comfort of your own bathroom is your business, right? Well, no, not anymore. Now that you’re officially cohabiting, you may have to rethink things. From that first week, your partner will be aware of most everything you do in there from brushing and flossing to… pooping.

At first, the idea of them even knowing you do the latter may feel a little uneasy. Just remember we’re all human and we all use the bathroom now and then. There’s no shame in it, but make sure you lock the door. You have to keep some mystery alive, right?

6. You See Things You Can Never Unsee

While you’re busy worrying about your partner learning your bathroom schedule, you may see a side of them you never expected. Walking in on your partner peeing, picking their nose, or cleaning out their ears may be gross, but they’re human too. While you can never truly unsee those nasty things, you can learn to be okay with them.

7. Sex Becomes… More Routine

couple waking up in the morning

In the first months of dating a new person, passion is in the air. You can barely hold a conversation for more than 10 minutes without wanting to jump their bones. Sadly, it doesn’t last forever.

Living with someone means sex is available on tap 24/7 (should they be up for it, of course). While that may sound like a dream come true, the reality of it is less exciting than you imagine. Since you have more than a stolen moment in which to do the deed, it sometimes gets left on the backburner. Of course, making time for sex is essential, so don’t let that dry patch last too long.

8. You Discover New Quirks About Each Other

When you were dating, you may have thought your partner was a total stud — perfect in every way. Once you move in together, you get the chance to learn new and weird things about them. Who knew that they were a total Star Wars nerd and had all the figurines? Or that they spend every Saturday morning dancing around the house in their boxer shorts? Pfft. If you really love them, you’ll get used to it.

9. Having an Empty House Becomes a Luxury

woman preparing lunch

There once was a time when just being near your partner made you jump with glee. These days, things are a tad different. When your significant other tells you they’re having a night out, you act demure and low-key. On the inside, though, you’re ecstatic. The thought of having the entire place to yourself is all too enticing. You can dye your hair, paint your nails, cook whatever you fancy, and curl up with your favorite book. Sometimes, it’s the simple pleasures of having our own space that we miss the most.

10. You Grow Closer Than Ever

Of course, while there are oodles of teeny snags that come alongside moving in with your partner, there’s one major advantage. This is a new chapter in your relationship — living with one another will bring you closer together and help you discover new things. Before you know it, you will start to be more comfortable with your partner than you ever were before.

Is Social Media Ruining Your Relationship?

If we’re being honest with ourselves, there are three things all of us love to do but will probably never admit: ignore text messages from people we don’t like and then claim we “totally didn’t see your message #facepalm,” call in late to work so we can go to Starbucks first, and wave our romantic relationships in front of everyone on Facebook and Instagram. In fact, what’s the first thing many people do once their relationship is “official?” Change their status, change their profile picture, and then post a string of hashtags about how #blessed they are because #bae loves them for their #innerbeauty. But hold that thought — have you ever wondered if social media is ruining your relationship? Because there’s a lot more to this than you think.

There is a great deal of research demonstrating that excessive use of social media can damage relationships, especially newer ones (shorter than 36 months long). It can increase jealousy, suspicion, uncertainty, relationship dissatisfaction, cheating, and the likelihood of a break-up. Not to mention it makes you feel like total garbage when you and your significant other are having a nice moment together and he/she grabs their phone “real quick” just to “check something.” So what do you do? Pick up your own phone to keep busy. Isn’t it so nice spending quality time together?

Kidding!

social media ruining your relationship

Even something as seemingly harmless as becoming “Facebook-official” could have detrimental side effects. Why? Because women typically feel that this automatically equates to exclusivity and a more serious relationship. Men, however, don’t frequently attach such a seriousness to it. The result could be confusion, a misunderstanding, a heated argument, or — worst of all — a break-up, where you end up finishing off a pint of Ben & Jerry’s while binge-watching the latest seasons of Girls. Think that’s an exaggeration? It’s been estimated that at least 20% of divorce cases have Facebook activity as a contributing problem.

Let’s not forget one other glaring problem regarding social media and relationships: People typically post their best moments online. They post about their perfect vacation or their killer workout or the amazing dinner they cooked. They’re not talking about how they threw up in the airline bathroom after too many cocktails in the VIP lounge or how they split their pants squatting at the gym or how they actually burned the first piece of chicken they cooked. What do you think they’re doing with their relationships? That’s right: They’re sharing the highlights reel. What results is the idea in your mind that everyone else’s life seems so perfect, but you have all these problems. What’s wrong with you? (Nothing. And BTW, studies have found that people who post too many intimate details online are actually liked less by others.)

social media ruining your relationship

Admittedly, I’m guilty of this myself. I’ll see a picture of a couple friends with their perfect relationship and new house and matching dish set. Then I look at my own life and the fact that my dogs smell and the floor needs to be washed and… and… WHY.

Similarly, social media can put you in a place where you’re nearly begging for likes and comments. Your motivation for portraying a beautiful relationship is completely superficial, because you’re only looking for the approval and admiration of your friends. Healthy? No. Not to mention it’s completely dishonest. If we were being real about this, we’d also post about how our boyfriends leave their dirty clothes on the floor and don’t wash their toothpaste chunks out of the sink.

Is the answer to completely abandon social media? Of course not. Most things are safe in moderation, and social media can be a wonderful way to stay in touch with people, share cool vacation pics, and occasionally give a shout-out to your SO for surprising you with flowers. But personal relationships are best kept just that: personal.