woman surprised

Love is patient. Love is kind.

Dating, on the other hand, can be an agitated, bitter nightmare. But, it must be done if you want to find that special ‘one’. You can look back on the less successful dates and relationships of your past as failures, or you can laugh at the experiences and move on. That’s exactly what these five women did after these dating nightmares.


The (Not So) Secret Farter

man jeans butt

Let me start off by saying that this guy was very attractive, successful, and overall a great ‘catch’ from day one. But we only dated for a short while because from pretty early on, I had a lingering smell feeling that things wouldn’t work out.

Right after the first time we were intimate together, he accidentally let out a little gas – nothing all that offensive – but enough for us both to notice, and for him to have to acknowledge it. He immediately said, “Oops.” and moved on. Seems harmless enough, right? You’d think so, but you’d be wrong. This was just the first in a string of many nonchalant, seemingly innocuous but unforgettably gassy moments. It happened so often I started to look for patterns. Was it after a duration of physical activity? Was it following every other meal? Hell, did it accompany a pre-determined number of blinks? I could never find one, but the last toot straw was the time we both went to a public restroom at the same time, probably after a movie. When I came out of the restroom, he was outside waiting for me, facing away from the bathrooms. He apparently didn’t know I was coming out because as I came closer, I heard an especially aggressive expulsion from his backside. For me, we were done right then and there, and here’s why. He was right outside the bathroom, meaning he made a conscious choice to share his flatus with the public, and he was facing away from the bathroom, meaning he wasn’t really all that concerned about me potentially walking into his gas cloud. A girl simply does not need that kind of pollution in her life.


The Serial Monogamist

I met this one guy online, and he seemed like the total package. He was polite, well-spoken, respectful, attractive, had a good job… you name it. On our third or fourth date, he invited me over for dinner. I went to the bathroom and noticed a bunch of girly looking products in the shower. I “casually” joked to him about the women’s shampoo he was using, and he laughed and said, “Oh yeah, those belong to my ex-girlfriend. She hasn’t picked them up yet.”

I found out that he had just broken up with this chick literally days before going out with me, and they dated for around seven years. Minutes later, he asked me to fly out of state to meet his family, since things were probably going to get “pretty serious” for us. He turned out to be a serial monogamist that was looking to rebound to his next relationship so that he didn’t have to deal with the pain of his breakup. Needless to say, that didn’t work out.

He continued texting and Facebook messaging me for the next eight months.

The Drunk

drunk man

I started dating this guy I met online, and everything was perfect in the beginning. But I began to notice that we couldn’t go anywhere without him drinking — and when he drank, he got drunk. Not just tipsy or relaxed. Drunk — as in, I had to drag him out of the restaurant or bar and drive us home in his car.

There was something else. He was attached to his phone nonstop. It was always in his hand, and he was always checking the screen. And anytime I asked him why he was always on his phone, he’d avoid answering and finally put it in his pocket.

Side bar: I had incredibly low standards and dated losers.

Anyway, one day, he went MIA, and I couldn’t get a hold of him for three days. Turns out he got black-out drunk with some buddies. He expected me to feel sorry for him because he was so sick. Instead, I dumped him. I also found out that he was so preoccupied with his phone because he didn’t want me to notice he was receiving texts from his booty call. She ended up being a nut job, told me to stay away from him, threatened to kill me if she ever found me, and later ended up in jail for attempting to kill another girl.

Yay, dating!


Mr. Personality

This episode could be seen as scary, but I look back on it like a giant “WTF” learning lesson. First mistake was having him pick me up at my place; and you’ll understand why in a minute.

We went to dinner and something about him just seemed off. We didn’t have a ton of chemistry, and he also did a few things that were real head-scratchers. First, he ordered two entrees. Not one for now and one for later; not for us to share and try different foods. He ordered two entrees because he intended to eat both, as he explained to me in more detail than necessary. At this point I should mention that he was in great shape, and if anything, I was surprised he even ate out at restaurants. Then he somehow ended up in a verbal altercation with another couple at a nearby table. I can’t recall what it was about, but it was certainly awkward and essentially, I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Once dinner was over, we walked back to his car so he could drive me home.

Here’s where it gets scary: when I sat down in the car and turned to my left, I thought I was sitting next to a different person. He had put on a hat and thick glasses without me noticing and his attitude seemed to shift immediately. He then started yelling at me for being rude to other people in the restaurant (remember, that was what he did), for ordering so much food (again, this crazy dude that), and other imaginary offenses. I just kept my mouth shut and avoided eye contact until I was back home. First thing I did when I got inside was put him on a block list at my building. I basically had my own personal “Split” experience.


Not Quite Broken Up Yet

man cheating

I started talking to this guy on Tinder, and we hit it off (online, anyway). By this point in my life, I was incredibly hesitant to actually meet guys in person who I met online, so we spent the first couple of weeks talking through the app and then exchanged phone numbers to text. We were in the process of making plans to meet when he says the thing no woman wants to here: “There’s something I need to tell you first.”

He tells me he has a daughter, which I didn’t have a problem with — but I wondered why he didn’t mention it sooner. Then he explained that he was still dealing with the breakup with her mom and trying to “figure out the situation.” And then… he tells me he’s living in her basement because he can’t afford a daughter and a place of his own.

That was a definite deal-breaker.

Sh*t happens, and there was nothing wrong with his situation. The problem was that he jumped back into dating even though he knew it was too soon, which is why he avoided telling me in the first place. Live and learn!