Tag Archives: dating

Check, Mate: Chess Gets its Sexy Back

Stop swiping randomly right and left on your smartphone for just a second. Why not try a new twist on an ancient concept of conquest instead?

There’s a niche for everyone to embrace chess at its purest or self-expressive forms. Critics say two recent screen gems – Pawn Sacrifice, starring Tobey Maguire and Liev Schreiber, and The Dark Horse, starring Cliff Curtis (Fear the Walking Dead) – should spark major interest in this game of strategy that has literally torn families and nations apart and driven prodigal geniuses crazy. At the cutting edge of virtual reality, chess fanatics compile and share lists of the world’s sexiest chess players. Sites for chess singles who only date their own kind are mushrooming.

A nice chess set can serve as a conversation piece or an aphrodisiac these days. Go head-to-head, eye-to-eye and hand-to-hand over a chess board if you really want to feel intimate and empowered with somebody. Here are seven chess sets that could take your game up another notch.

Glowing Chess Set

glow chess set

Cue up the Teddy Pendergrass soundtrack, dim the lights and get busy with this LED Glow set. The pieces don’t stop glowing until they’re captured. The polished playing board is powered by a plug-adapter or AA batteries, so there’s always a flicker of hope that events will unfold in your favor.

 

Sets From King-Sized to Micro

life size chess setAwe your opponent with the expanse of your devotion to the game with a King-Sized Lawn Set. Pieces as tall as 12 feet are hoisted and moved across boards landscaped to wide open space perfection. Or, make them green with envy through subtle or grand gestures on a Micro Planter set  – where seeds cunningly sprout from  3D-printed pieces. Players must maneuver pieces planted with tiny herbs and succulents around the board.

 

Shot Glass Chess

shot glass chess

Play on a Shot Glass set to ease the pain of getting out-witted at every move. On this tempered glass set, players make opponents pay not only with the loss of a captured piece but with a jolt of libation as well. Each piece’s volume is measured by its value in the game: Pity the fool who loses the queen. With 16 pieces per side at risk, losers should probably think twice about demanding a rematch.

 

African Challenge

african chess set

Tame the other “player” in the midst with an African Challenge set. The pieces are hand-carved from soft sese wood to mimic monuments in Ghana; and the board is covered in tooled leather. The rules of the game remain the same, but sets like this offer a home field advantage in terms of style points.

Wobble Set

wobble chess set

Note the difference between your queen getting tipsy versus getting toppled with the Wobble set from Umbra. The round-bottomed walnut and maple wood pieces are cupped by concave squares on the board.  As players waiver and waffle over their next moves, the pieces wiggle it just a little bit. Blame it on the board, in case it seems like your playing hand’s trembling.

Wood Travel Set

wooden magnetic chess setBring your A-game everywhere you go with a folding, Magnetized Wood Travel Set from The House of Staunton. This self-contained set made of rosewood and maple tucks away as easily as an airport newsstand paperback. Turbulence? No problem: The board and pieces are so highly magnetized you can play upside down.

 

Minimalist Chess

bauhaus chess set

Apply your basic instincts with a block-shaped Bauhaus set. The pieces’ minimalist design dates back to the austere 1920s. stressing function over ornate forms. This set makes the simplest of statements: Like any other game, chess is more mental than physical. And yes, size does matter.

 

Guy Talk: What He’s Actually Saying

Whether you’ve been talking to a guy for two weeks, or have been happily together for twenty years, one of the most common struggles in any relationship is communication. As men, we’ve developed a reputation for ourselves—and perhaps rightfully so. It’s not that we’re uncommunicative. It’s just that, sometimes, we aren’t the best at articulating ourselves. And often, we like to assume that a simple yes or no, or cryptic text message solves the problem (it doesn’t). Ladies, no need to freak out. We’re not that hard to understand. To help, below we’ll decode some of our common sayings (AKA guy talk).

 

What he’s saying:  “I’m sorry.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m sick of arguing, can we have make-up sex now?”

Commonly heard after a fight or argument, men often use this seemingly honest statement to cover up what we really mean. Yeah, we’re probably sorry, but we’re also ready to go.

What he’s saying: “I’m good.”

What he’s actually saying: “I like the things the way they are right this second and I’m literally not looking to add or change anything.”

When we say we’re good, it’s best to believe us. Sure, it’s a pithy reply. But it’s an honest one.

What he’s saying: “I promise.”

What he’s actually saying: “I kind of promise.”

If we consistently promise to do things and don’t show up or call, use your best judgment and put stock in our actions. Not all men are the same. And when real men make promises, we follow through with them.
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What he’s saying: “You’re not fat.”

What he’s actually saying: “Seriously, you’re not fat.”

Commonly uttered when you’re naked, we generally mean it. You’re seriously not fat. And you going on and on about body issues is getting tedious.

What he’s saying: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”

What he’s actually saying:” I’m not interested in a relationship with you.”

If we’re afraid of committing, it’s probably not circumstantial. It’s probably you. However, if you’d like to become friends with benefits, let us know!
Married couple having an argument sitting up n their bed facing off in opposite directions as they ignore one another

What he’s saying: “I’ll call you.”

What he’s actually saying: “I won’t call you…but I don’t know how to say it nicely.”

Usually heard at the end of a date, this phrase is our go-to when we don’t know what else to say. What we really mean is that we don’t ever want to see you again, but we’re not sure how to put it bluntly.
man waving goodbye

What he’s saying: “She’s just a friend.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’d like her to be more than a friend but I also don’t want to cheat on you.”

Oh baby you, you got what I need. And I swear she’s just a friend…
man and woman working

What he’s saying: “You look better without makeup.”

What he’s actually saying: “Hurry up, I’m damn hungry.”

Commonly heard before a dinner date, he’s probably being honest. However, he’s also hangry and could care less what you put on your face.

What he’s saying: “It’s a boys night.”

What he’s actually saying: “I just need a night to drink beers and talk about stuff that bores the hell out of you.”

Seriously, the game is on and I’m in the mood to pound beers and get in touch with my primal side. I may look at other girls, but I’m not going to cheat.

What he’s saying: “I’m busy.”

What he’s actually saying: “I have plenty of time…I’d just rather not spend it with you.”

Unfortunately, we’ve decided to not put you on the list of important things to make time for. There are 24 hours in a day—there’s no way we’re busy every single one of them.

What he’s saying: “Let’s try something different.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m starting to get bored.”

We mean it. Let’s try something new, whether it’s in the bedroom or in the kitchen. Keeping things fresh and exciting isn’t too much to ask, is it?
Sexy man holding handcuffs, sit on sofa, black and white, bdsm

What he’s saying: “I like chilling at my place.”

What he’s actually saying: “I’m really only interested in seeing you behind closed doors.”

AKA I’m really just into having sex at the moment. Take it with a grain of salt.
Top view of sexy muscular young man looking at camera with sensual smile while lying in bed

What he’s saying: “I need more space.”

What he’s actually saying: “I need some time alone to think things over.”

We’ve probably just had a fight. And I probably need some time to save my ass.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex

You were in a beautiful relationship… and then it ended. Now, you have to figure out what to do with the mess in the aftermath. If you ultimately decide you want to be friends with your ex, give yourself a pat on the back. You do need to tread carefully, though, because this type of friendship is unique. Here are seven tips for how to be friends with your ex.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex: 7 Simple Tips

1. Give the Relationship the Time and Space it Needs

Trying to figure out how to be friends with your ex is admirable — and totally doable. Don’t rush it, though. If you broke up a week ago, you both likely need more time and space to grieve the end of the relationship and heal.

Rushing a friendship after a breakup could end up burying hurt feelings that will undoubtedly bubble up and explode later on.

woman learning how to be friends with an ex

2. Avoid Falling Back Into Old Habits

Did you and your ex-partner used to text until the wee hours of the morning? Fun times, those were. Now, they’re over.

You had such a strong bond with this person. Especially if you were together for a long time, it might only feel natural to keep all those old habits. After all, you spent years sending each other stupid memes and texting from the toilet.

However, when you put an end to a relationship, you put an end to the habits and behaviors that went along with it. The nature of your relationship has drastically changed. Also, you need to prepare yourself, because in all likelihood, your ex will move on to someone else. Then, they’ll be texting them from the toilet, not you.

Cut the apron strings now.

And speaking of your ex-partner moving on to someone else…

3. Stay Out of Their New Relationships

You feel entitled to an opinion on the new person they’re dating — obviously. After all, you used to be entitled to an opinion about everything, from how they combed their hair to the way they used to wear socks with sandals.

The difference now, though, is that you’re just their friend. In other words, your ex’s new relationship is none of your beeswax.

If you’re going to commit to being their friend, you have to commit to keeping it positive and refraining from starting any drama. It doesn’t matter if you think they’re rebounding with someone else, jumping into a new relationship too quickly, or doing everything for the new person that they were supposed to do with you.

group of friends learning how to be friends with an ex

Be supportive, or at the very least, stay out of it. The friendship will suffer otherwise.

4. Only Hang Out in Environments That Are “Ex-Friendly”

Did you have your first kiss in the back of a movie theater? Steer clear of that cinema.

Do you know that being alone with them will make it hard to resist certain temptations? Only hang out in groups.

Being friends is wonderful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t need boundaries. In fact, relationships of all kinds have boundaries. It’s how we protect ourselves and each other.

5. Call Them Your Friend — Not Your Ex

Yes, they’re your ex, but now? They’re your friend. Introducing someone or referring to them as your ex makes things weird. It also kind of implies you’re stuck in the past. If you want to be friends, treat it like a friendship — not a relationship that ended.

woman learning how to be friends with her ex

6. Limit Your Social Media Exposure to Them

After a breakup, we certainly love to torture ourselves by watching our ex-partners’ every move on social media. Where did they check in? Who were they with? What kinds of fun were they having without you?

This is a recipe for hurt feelings. Also? Social media stalking is something you do with an ex — not a friend. Remember those boundaries? Set another one: don’t unfriend your ex on Facebook, but consider unfollowing them. Don’t unfollow them on Instagram, but maybe mute their posts.

That way, you control when you want to see them. You won’t risk any undesirable photos popping up on your newsfeed with no warning.

woman on cell phone

7. Avoid Trash Talking to Your Gal Pals

We all need that time after a breakup to vent and talk smack to our friends. Give yourself this time, for sure. However, when you decide you’re ready to be friends with your ex, you have to try to let the negativity go. Keep it positive, leave the gossip behind, and be a friend to your ex both to their face and behind their back.

The Dos and Don’ts of Meeting Your Boyfriend’s Family

If we had to rank meeting your significant other’s family in a list of nerve-wracking relationship moments, we would definitely put it at the top of the list, right along with the first time you  make a joke that just isn’t funny. Don’t let it make you nervous, but this moment is vital and sets the tone for the rest of your encounters with the family. A lot rides on this event, but you can nail it with a bit of help from the experts!

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Don’t Drink Too Much

While it’s perfectly fine to indulge in a glass of wine if offered, it’s not okay to get drunk at his family’s house. Although you may feel more comfortable, you’ll more than likely make a fool out of yourself and say something you didn’t mean to let slip. Keep in mind, post-drunken-comment anxiety will plague your life for many days after the encounter and will be remembered by the family for years to come. A little giggly tipsy is fine, but sloppy drunk is never okay. Just think about Sarah Jessica Parker in The Family Stone. Drinking definitely didn’t enhance her conversational ability. Plus, if you partake in drinking too much, they might think you’re a lush.

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Don’t Let Them See You Sweat

Remember the film Meet the Parents? Gaylord’s fiance’s family noticed the nervousness and preyed on his weakness, making the situation even worse. Plus, his nervousness led to a series of accidents. Do you really want to be known as the woman who loses the family pet or floods the yard with sewage, or would you rather be known as the confident lady who made a lasting positive impression?

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Prospective in-laws have a sixth sense like a dog; they can smell fear. You need to walk in, smile, and swallow every bit of nervousness, so they won’t notice. Act like Dorothy on Golden Girls. She’s a confident woman who, despite her husband’s mother treating her poorly, acted with grace, dignity, and confidence.

Do Laugh

If you should happen to do something clumsy, make a joke and move on. Don’t let it get you down. Nothing is perfect, and you can’t expect something this significant to run 100-percent smoothly. It wouldn’t be a significant event if something didn’t go unexpectedly. And don’t just laugh at yourself, make jokes and show them you have personality, and you’re a down-to-earth person. You don’t want them all talking about the uptight “B” who their son brought home for the holidays.

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Do Have Manners

Always mind your manners by saying please and thank you. You don’t have to eat what you absolutely don’t like, but do accept generosity when it’s something you’d be willing to try. The family ideally wants to be hospitable and wants you to enjoy yourself.. Never take too much, though. You don’t want to be remembered as the heifer of the holidays.

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Don’t Assume the Worst

Most people dread meeting the family and having to spend holidays with their mate’s parents but don’t assume the worst and worry. Every family is different. You might be lucky enough to be welcomed by a sweet, open-minded family who’s looking forward to meeting who their child has chosen. If you lose at Russian In-law Roulette and you have a cold, emotionless shrew of a mother like the one Penny had to meet on the Big Bang Theory, you just have to swallow your pride and deal with the unpleasantry and hope it doesn’t last long.

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Do Observe and Research

It helps to observe and take cues from other family members–as well as your SO–and act accordingly. While it’s important to be yourself, you want to fit into the dynamic. Respect their wishes on nearly all matters. Go with the flow with as much as possible because it will make your time–we don’t want to go as far as to say enjoyable, but we will say–easier.

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Don’t Hesitate to Ask if You’re Unsure

Ask how they would like to be addressed. Don’t walk in calling them Joe and Amy or automatically assume they want to be called Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Wait for cues, and if none occur and you’re unsure of something, just ask. Asking shows you have respect and will lead to a better overall experience. It doesn’t hurt to ask your special someone questions about their family before meeting them, so you know what to expect and what’s expected of you..

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How Important is Guys Night Out?

In a word?  Very. Everyone needs “me time.” Old, new, single, coupled, permed, bobbed, everyone needs space. But this is mostly important for coupled people. Studies indicate that lack of privacy and/or “me time” significantly accounts for unhappy marriages and bad sex. That’s bad news.

No matter how much fun you have just watching Netflix with your sweetie, or how much the two of you can’t stand to be apart when there’s a birthday party, giving one another a night off to spend with friends or interests is a healthy move for any relationship with future goals. Because (hard as it is to imagine now), you both did have lives before you met. It’s good form to help preserve ties to old friends.

young couple watching TV

When she wants to go to a wine tasting with her friends, I’m totally okay with it, but if I want to go out on the boat to fish, there’s going to be a problem,” said Rick S., 27, graphic designer.

Especially, if you go on a Saturday,” chimed a 35-year old father of two.

There is no Saturday option at my house,” said a 24-year old coder in a new relationship.

Tsk, tsk, we fall in love with boys and men because of who they are. We’re interested in their opinions and tastes, want to learn their interests, anything and everything about what makes them them. Being supportive of a guy’s night out is really just guaranteeing that he continues growing into that awesome person for as long as you know him. It enhances trust between the two of you and creates space for personal growth, including your own.

Men learn from other men and while that has its pros and cons, it’s also how Graham can tell Joe what to do about the rattle in his car. And likely, they’ll bellow a few laughs and share some retold stories and come home feeling inspired. It’s something that comes from that male bond. You do not want to try and squeeze into the bond two guys have over a team’s entire sports history since they were in 6th grade. You need to leave that alone.

When it’s your partner’s night out, it’s also your night to spend however you wish and reap the benefits of being (momentarily) alone. Stay at the studio for a second yoga class; go in search of that tomato plant you’ve been meaning to replace. Invite BFFs over and bask in the glow of a good girlfriend session. Or, of course, go out and hit the town!

Barring any late night phone calls from jail, you’re in for a grateful mate upon return.  Happy people want to make people happy so hopefully, you’ll reap the benefits of this almost immediately. And with some regularity, you’ll quickly see how healthy it is to give each other space for other things.

Is It Just a Rough Patch or Should You Break Up?

The arguments have gotten longer and more bitter. The loving late night cuddles are a distant memory. You feel alone but you’re still together. Could it be that your love story has turned into a nightmare? In any long-term relationship, it can be hard to figure this out: are you going through a normal rough patch or should you break up? It’s a tricky question to ask yourself. So, how about a little advice to help you out? Here’s what you need to know.

Constructive Arguing Can Be Healthy

Call it a spat or a lovers’ tiff – all couples argue from time to time. “There’s nothing wrong with couples arguing,” says Cate Mackenzie, a Psychosexual Therapist, Couples Counsellor and Love Coach, and member of COSRT. “The difference is how they repair and how they soothe. If they don’t do any of that, that’s when it starts to be a disaster.” Getting past your conflict in a calm way could be the secret to longevity. One 14-year-long study found that couples who argued frequently but in a peaceful way were more likely to stay together than those who did not. Since it’s unlikely that you have the same opinion on every issue, you have to find a way to healthily deal with disagreements. On the other hand, should you find yourself constantly in vicious battle, you may have to question why that is. Digging up old conflicts when you argue and making the issue bigger than it is will only make the situation toxic. Should this be happening more often than not, you may want to think about whether the relationship is doing more harm than good. couple fighting should you break up

But Relationships Run On Principles

“All relationships run on principles,” says Cate, “and maybe even the couple works out what those principles should be.” When you first start dating someone, you might give no thought to what the main guidelines of your relationship are. Let’s face it, it’s hardly romantic to sit down together and write out your ground rules. However, having these principles in place could help see you through the rockiest of waters. When you’re not sure what each other’s boundaries are within the relationship, it’s no wonder that you might have problems. Explaining to one another what you expect from the offset means that there are no nasty surprises down the line. Then, should one of you break those principles, you can have an honest talk about why that was disrespectful. It doesn’t have to be a “one strike and you’re out” policy. However, if you find that your partner is bulldozing your principles on a regular basis, you have to question where the respect lies. Is it there at all? When you’ve been crystal clear about what you need in a relationship and your partner can’t (or won’t) give you that, it could be time to call it quits.

Certain Lines Shouldn’t Be Crossed

Regardless of how you might feel about someone, there are certain lines which no one should ever cross. “If someone’s violent, you can’t stay,” says Cate. “Of course, it’s totally possible that people can go and get help or work stuff through. But that needs to be thought about because the dangers are so high.” sad woman thinking should you break up What’s more, your partner doesn’t need to raise their hand to you to be abusive. Some of the most damaging cases of abuse are mental rather than physical. According to the Office on Women’s Health, this mistreatment can include gaslighting, insults, humiliation, and threats, among other troubling issues. With that in mind, here are some helpful resources and contact details:

Having respect within a romantic relationship is essential. When you start to notice a pattern of behavior that includes these things, it’s important that you get help. No one should have to be victimized by their partner so the sooner you take action, the better.

No Trust Means No Relationship

Do you trust your partner? If you hesitated before answering, you might want to consider whether the relationship will work out. Getting past a betrayal can be difficult, especially if it comes early on. One study from Ohio State University suggested that when the trust was broken in a new relationship, it was harder to overcome than if it happened later. “First impressions matter when you want to build a lasting trust,” writes Robert Lount, co-author of the study and assistant professor of management and human resources at Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business. “If you get off on the wrong foot, the relationship may never be completely right again. It’s easier to rebuild trust after a breach if you already have a strong relationship.” Either way, when your partner betrays you in some way – be it by cheating on you or sneaking behind your back – it stings. It’s perfectly natural that the pain may leave a lasting scar and one that you can’t get past. If that’s the case, it may be better to walk away now and simply cut your losses.

5 Relationship Books for a Better Love Life

Nights curled up together with interlocked limbs. Days spent on long country walks, smiling coyly at one another as the light catches the horizon. Bliss. Indeed, if every relationship consisted of these endless moments, we’d live in a utopian world. Sadly, we do not. The reality of any relationship is a splatter of the good, the bad, and – on hungover Sunday mornings – the ugly. However, if your relationship has lost that loving feeling and you’re feeling a little blue, there may be something you can do about it. It could be time to quite literally turn the page and read your way to a happier setup. Here are five new romance and self-help relationship books to get you started along the way.

5 Relationship Books to Teach You About Love

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel

best relationship booksThink that self-help relationship books are full of mindless fluff? Think again. Underscored with compelling data and scientific research, The All-or-Nothing Marriage offers a unique take on how to achieve happiness in your relationship. Northwestern University psychologist Eli Finkel dedicated this book to his own life partner with a heartfelt statement. “To my wife, Alison, who thinks it’s hilarious that I’m a marriage expert.”

The book starts with an overview of how marriage has changed over the years. Then, it takes a turn into what that means for the modern-day relationship. Combining quick tips with science-backed advice, this one ought to be your one-stop-shop when it comes to improving your relationship once and for all.

How Luck Happens by Barnaby Marsh and Janice Kaplan

How many hilariously tragic dating tales do you have to hand? If you’re the type of person who is constantly unlucky in love, here’s the relationship book for you. How Luck Happens sets out to answer its title conundrum. New York Times bestselling author Janice Kaplan and academic Dr. Barnaby Marsh tackle the superstitious myths of good and bad luck head-on.

The question at the heart of this guide is simple. Is there such a thing as luck? And, if there is, is it something that you can learn to control? After taking a look at the available research in the area, the two come up with ways in which you can realistically change your fortunes and become lucky in love, life, and just about everything in between too.

The Love Gap by Jenna Birch

Smart, empowered, career-oriented women can’t find love, right? In The Love Gap, journalist and relationship columnist Jenna Birch reaches out to all the confident single ladies to help them navigate the modern-day dating scene. Why is it that so many women find success in every aspect of their beings except relationships?

Being a serial dater herself, the central question was as much a personal quandary as it was the subject of the guide. After a year and a half of hard work and answer-searching, Birch came up with a truly meaningful romance guide. The book contains a treasure chest of information from enlightening interviews with relationship gurus to in-depth research.

Happiness Is A Choice You Make by John Leland

relationship books about happinessLessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old reads the tagline to this one-of-a-kind book. Author John Leland follows the lives of six subjects, all of whom are now in their golden years, in a bid to better understand life and relationships. Dropping in on these individuals at infrequent moments, he learns to understand the true struggles of an aging existence.

Unlike other self-help guides, the lessons learned from Happiness Is A Choice come directly from the subjects themselves. But then, who better to preach about life than those who have been there and done it all? Should you be struggling in your current relationship or desperately seeking that rare slice of joy, you simply have to read this book.

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade

Finally, let’s take a moment to appreciate a relationship book created with the Instagram generation soundly in mind. Heart Talk is an artistic take on the genre, but that doesn’t mean that it deserves to be overlooked. If you’re short on time and need a daily dose of confidence and reassurance, this short book is the way to go.

Think of it as a book of advice from your wisest friend you can keep in your purse. Wade offers mantras, poems, and affirmations that should see you through even some of the rawest times within your relationship. As though that weren’t enough, all of the above scream “beauty and truth.”

Which one of these relationship books will you read first?

The Subtle Signs That You’re Just Not Into Him

The modern world of dating can be tough. It’s hard enough to find a decent person to go on a date with, let alone find one who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Despite that, there’s no reason you should settle for less than you deserve. Here are some of the subtle signs that you’re so not into him.

You’d Rather Hang Out With Your Girlfriends

Your phone buzzes. You look down. It’s him asking you to hang out after work tonight. He’s got some “big plans,” he says. Your heart sinks. Some of the girls from the office are heading out for happy hour cocktails and you honestly don’t want to miss out. You shoot a quick reply saying simply, “Sorry, busy tonight!”

There’s something wrong with this picture. While you shouldn’t drop everything each time he sends you a text, bailing on him also shouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world. However, if there’s no question as to what you’d rather be doing, that’s a major red flag.

girl friends hanging out

You Hardly Ever Think About the Future

Okay, so not every woman meets a guy and starts immediately daydreaming about walking down the aisle. (Some do… and that’s completely fine too!) However, if you’ve not even considered what the future holds for you and him, it could be because you don’t think there is one. If Mr. Right is actually Mr. Right Now, that’s not a huge deal. Just don’t lie to yourself or him about it, or someone could end up getting hurt.

He Never Makes You Laugh

Has your special someone got a good sense of humor? If the answer is a resounding no, it might have more to do with how you feel about him than anything else. In fact, research published in the Evolutionary Psychology Journal found a link between dating interest and both partners laughing.

So, if your guy makes you squeal with laughter, there’s a good chance you’re into him. On the other hand, though, if his jokes fall flat time and time again, you have to wonder why. Either he’s the least funny man on the planet or you’re just not feeling it.

woman not into him

You Don’t Miss Him When You’re Apart

Sure, you don’t want to be the type of lady who pines endlessly for her one true love (or maybe you do…you do you!). But not missing your partner at all isn’t just a sign of sheer independence – it could be a sign you’re not overly invested in the relationship. If you feel undeniable pangs of relief when he goes on a long weekend away without you, you have to question whether you really want to be with him or not.

You Don’t Ever Check Him Out

Your partner gets a new haircut, some new pants, or a new shirt – do you even notice? When was the last time you took a good, long look at your guy? The truth of the matter is when you’re attracted to someone, you can’t help but take your eyes off them. One study from Florida State University found we’re often unable to look away when we see someone who we find seriously attractive. It’s human nature.

A sure-fire sign you’re not that into your current squeeze is if you hardly ever look at them. You don’t notice the small things they do or whether they’ve made an effort for your date. These details are too fine for you to notice… because you’re not trying to.

You Think He Tries Too Hard to Impress

Let’s not beat around the bush: this guy is pulling out all the stops. He spontaneously buys you flowers. He sends you sweet “good morning” texts. When you’re hungry, he cooks. When you’re sleepy, he makes the bed and puts on some soft music. You might say he panders to your every whim – no matter how futile it may be. There’s just one problem.

redhead woman shrugging

You think he’s trying too hard. If any other guy did all of the above (and more), you’d probably be flattered beyond belief. For some reason, though, when this man does it, it makes you feel a little queasy. Why has he gotta try so darn hard, you wonder?

The Spark is Gone (Or It Was Never There!)

Do you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he pulls you near? Do you even feel a little flutter? If there’s absolutely zero feeling, one of two things has happened. Either the spark has faded away over time and you’re only noticing the difference now. Or, if you’ve just started seeing this guy, it was never there in the first place.

Whatever the case, you have to ask yourself why you’re wasting your time here. Life is brief. Relationships come and go. People move on. If you’re not that into him, it might be kindest to him to say your goodbyes now and walk away. As the time-old saying goes, there are plenty more men on Tinder. And don’t we know it?

5 Love Rules You Need to Stop Believing

Forget rom-coms. Being in a committed, long-term relationship takes energy, effort, and, yes, damn hard work. Some days, it’s not easy. Some days, it is. However, the painfully over-the-top, sickly sweet rhetoric around relationships can often be too much to stomach. Here are some of the so-called love rules you need to stop believing.

5 Love Rules to Toss Out ASAP

1. Monogamy is the Only Way to Go

Boy meets girl…. Meets another boy and/or girl? Gone are the days when this was a topic solely discussed in hushed tones amid conspiratorial glances. Non-monogamous relationships aren’t quite the taboo they used to be. In 2016, national statistics found one in five Americans had been in a relationship of this type.

What’s more, open relationships can be just as satisfying as monogamous ones, according to a recent study from the University of Guelph. As a golden rule, it’s important to structure a polygamous relationship so it suits both you and your partner. So long as you’re both getting what you need from the relationship – psychologically and sexually – you’re likely to be satisfied with the setup, noted Jessica Wood, research lead.

2. Relationships Should Be Fairy Tales

Quit comparing your relationship to everybody else’s. On the surface level, most couples seem content and blissfully in love with one another. However, you should remember you only see one side of them – the side they show the public. No relationship is a fairy tale 365 days a year… and neither should it be.

couple having an argument

It might sound cliche but every relationship is as unique as the people in it. Presuming there’s a one-size-fits-all formula for a happy life together is naive. In the end, it’s important to remember each couple has their own way of getting along. As long as you and your partner feel happy, supported, and fulfilled, that’s all that matters.

3. Arguing is a Sign of the End

Whether it’s bickering about whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or fighting about your finances, all couples argue. Should these spats become more and more frequent, you could be forgiven for thinking it’s the beginning of the end. However, that is likely not the case – so long as you argue effectively.

Couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to be in a happy relationship than those who ignore their problems, the Guardian recently reported. The reason is approaching issues oftentimes helps to solve them and means they won’t fester under the surface for years to come.

4. You Should Do Everything Together

Spending every minute of every day together might sound utterly romantic on the surface, but it could be a recipe for disaster. Making this mistake is a surefire way to fall into a humdrum routine and, frankly, get tired of each other’s company.

friends hanging out

Not only should you spend time with your own social circles outside of the relationship, but it could also help to make plans with other couple friends. Research from Wayne State University suggested that double-dating, i.e. hanging out with other couples, could be an effective way of relighting your romantic fire. The results suggested socializing this way could lead to a happier, more satisfying relationship.

5. You Can “Fix” an Unhappy Relationship

Staying in a relationship when you’re desperately sad is a mistake. In fact, it could quite literally kill you. People in unhappy relationships are more likely to have suicidal thoughts than those in happy relationships, according to a study conducted by the Medical University of Vienna. The research also linked being dissatisfied in a relationship to feelings of hopelessness and depression.

You may be under the impression even the most toxic of relationships are salvageable, but that’s not always the case. Should your partner or your situation be causing you distress, the smartest move may be to simply walk away. While there’s no doubt this is a difficult decision to make, putting your mental health first is crucial.

Can Online Dating Lead to True Love?

Lonely-hearters rejoice: cupid’s arrow is turning digital. Proof? More than 5% of Americans met Mr. or Ms. Right online, according to the Pew Research Center.  More than 49 million Americans—a third of them unmarried millennials—have jumped onto the online dating bandwagon.

And why not? Online dating services provide scientific matches that are based on 400-question personality surveys.  According to the Laws of Attraction, the other ingredients to a long-lasting relationship are physical attraction, reciprocity, similarity, and proximity. The latter is where e-dating swoops in. It allows busy professionals, who may have particular types, orientations, or lifestyles, to fish for potential partners on a global scale, without much risk or time commitment.

Blond beautiful blogger kissing for selfie against pink

More good news: Cyber marriages also have higher satisfaction rates and lower divorce rates than offline couples— just 6 percent of couples who met online of couples who met online (as compared to 7.6 percent of couples who met traditionally) call it quits after 8 years, the average length of a marriage in the U.S.

Ready to click your first love letter in binary code?  Not so fast. Internet dating can lead to happily ever after, but it can also be a dead end at heartbreak lane. So, we’re helping you uncross your wires by looking at the good, the bad, and the ugly when finding love on the Net.

Pretty little liar

Online dating has a dark side. According to a 2007 study published in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, roughly 9 out of 10 people included white lies on their dating profiles. The number one lie: size. On average, women fudged their weight by 8.5 pounds while men fibbed by only 2 pounds, although they misrepresented their heights, rounding up a half  .

Closeup portrait of a beautiful redhead woman using smartphone

Luckily, Paul Bunyan-sized lies are rare.  “There were a few extreme lies in the sample, including a three inch lie about height, a 35 pound lie about weight, and an 11 year lie about age,” writes Catalina Toma, an assistant professor of communications at Cornell University. “This may be one reason that people believe lying is so rampant in online dating, especially since these extreme lies are more likely to be circulated.”

Another study, published in 2009 in The Journal of Communication, found that most women’s profile photos were 17 months old and professionally retouched, with glossier hair, fuller lips, and a flawless complexion. However, men’s avatars were on average only 6 months old.

tinder
Happy Zoe / Shutterstock.com

The silver lining: people are less likely to lie about their political affiliations.  Dating is a place where your vote counts: 50% of people won’t date outside of their political party, according to a 2008 OkCupid survey, .  And what about that other taboo: religion?? While apps like Tinder are winning the numbers game with 50 million users and counting, sites like JDate, Christian Mingle, Single Hindus, Muzmatch, and even Atheist Passions are gaining ground. “What I’ve seen is a trend going toward spirituality, as opposed to a defining religion,” said Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert and dating coach, in an interview with Today. “Even when people are raised with religion, they’re more inclined to be open.”

Happily ever after

Need proof that true love can exist online? Here it is. With a click of a mouse, these online daters’ lives changed forever.

happy couple

Chicago-native LaKitia met her husband, Jeremy, on Black Singles in 2008.  “I ignored his profile based on his picture,” Lakitia admitted. “In it, he had an afro. He was hot. He was sweaty. He just looked annoyed.”  He only scored an 83% in compatibility. After several bad dates, this Chi-town city slicker sent the Texas farm-boy a wink.  The couple dated for 4 years, breaking up twice. “[We] always found our way back together,” Lakitia said. “After 4 years of dating, he proposed. “We’re embarking on our second wedding anniversary next month.”


Brita was in the middle of an internship in Columbus, Ohio when she signed up for OkCupid. “I was only interested in casual dating,” Brita said. “I already had a job lined up in New York.” Two and a half weeks before she was supposed to fly to the Big Apple, Dan, a Findlay, Ohio resident, sent her a punctuation joke and the two of them hit it off. But neither of them wanted a long-distance relationship.  Agreeing to be friends, they skyped and chatted via phone for the next few months. “I was in love with him a full month before he asked me to be his girlfriend [by email],” Brita gushed. On Thanksgiving, she met the whole family, and by Christmas, the couple was discussing marriage. “We both agreed we would need to spend time living in the same state before getting married. I moved back to Columbus once my contract was up, almost a year exactly after our first date,” she said. On the weekend of their second anniversary, Dan proposed. The couple tied the knot five months later.  They’ve been married for 2 ½ years.

What do you think about online dating?  Have you tried it?  Let us know in the comments section.