Tag Archives: relationship advice

8 First Date Faux Pas Every Lady Should Avoid

The dating world is an absolute minefield. While you’re on the search for an authentic connection with someone, you’re certain to have your fair share of awkward first meetings. Or, put a little more crudely, you’ve gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. So, when you finally do find yourself sitting right across from Señor Charming himself, the very last thing you want to do is screw it up.

We’ve all been on “bad” first dates before now, but have you ever really put your finger on what went wrong? Trust me (because I should know): There’s a whole host of ways in which your date can go from 100% to, “OMG! Get me out of here!” quickly. If you want to avoid just that, here are some of the faux pas you may want to steer clear of.

first date faux pas

1. Forgetting His Name!

It doesn’t matter how many people you’re dating right now — there’s no excuse for forgetting this guy’s name. Sure, it may be a momentary glitch or a slip of your memory; but if this happens to you, you must never let him know about it. It’s not merely the fact that you’ve forgotten that’s offensive here — there’s far more to it than that.

The real core of the problem here is what your poor memory says about how you see your date. Are they simply not important enough to remember? Do you see them as a nameless, faceless piece of man meat? If not, you’d better make more of an effort to recall at least his first name.

2. Talking About Your “Crazy” Ex

Let’s get one thing straight: We’ve all got our fair share of romantic skeletons in the closet. If you’ve gotten to the ripe old age known affectionately as your 20s or 30s, the likelihood is that you will have dated and even had relationships before now. It’s no great shock. That’s not to say that you should spend the entirety of your first date talking about your so-called “crazy” ex. Honestly, your date does not want to hear it.

The fact of the matter is that if you’re talking about how insane, possessive, or boring your ex is, it says a whole load more about you than it does them. It tells your date what you think about relationships and how you view them. It says that you’re the type of person who isn’t mature enough to know that gossiping about your ex is a faux pas. Cut it out.

first date faux pas

3. Getting Tinder Notifications

So, you may not be exclusive with this person just yet (who is on a first date?!), but have a little respect here. While you’re coyly playing the “getting to know you” game, you really needn’t remind the guy that you’re still very much on the market. While there’s actually nothing particularly wrong with having dating apps, those pesky notifications could play havoc with the vibe of your hangout. Switch them off or temporarily delete the apps ahead of time; it may just make all the difference.

4. Drinking to Calm Your Nerves

Like many social situations, dates can be hella uncomfortable at times. Sitting across from a total stranger and chit-chatting about life can feel more like an interview for marriage than a relaxing situation. No matter how anxious you feel in the lead-up to your date, though, you must never make the, frankly, fatal mistake of drinking away your fears.

While having a cheeky vino pre-date may do no harm, any more than that may well be a recipe for disaster. This is the first impression the guy will have of you and you don’t want it to be that you’re a drunken, sloppy mess.

first date faux pas

5. Talking About Marriage and Babies

Your future plans are your business, so let’s keep it that way. At least, for now. You may have a perfectly mapped out idea of how your life’s going to go down. You may know exactly when you want to walk down the aisle, what dress you’ll be wearing, and how many bridesmaids you’ll have. Equally, you may have picked out the names for your future children and know when you want to have them. None of the above matters.

What matters is that you don’t scare the guy half to death by spilling all of this information out onto the table. There’s such a thing as too much information on a first date, you know? There’s a time and a place for those serious future life conversations… it ain’t here and it ain’t now. Instead, stick to subjects that are light-hearted and interesting like, say, popular culture or your general interests.

6. Constantly Talking About Yourself

First dates are all about getting to know one another; they are not all about the guy getting to know you and you learning nothing new. While you may well believe that the subject of you is the most fascinating thing in the universe, it is not. Whether it’s down to nerves or sheer egotism, many ladies make the mistake of using the date itself as a personal platform to share their many stories. Don’t do it.

You’ll have much more fun (and get to know the guy better) if you make a conscious effort to let him speak up and tell you about himself. Learning what he likes, what he doesn’t, and everything in between is the best way to figure out if the two of you are compatible.

7. Ignoring Someone While You Text

The sorry truth of the matter is that we’re all completely addicted to our phones these days. You simply cannot deny it — phubbing is real. Ignoring someone that you’re with in favor of your phone is not only rude but it also sends out the message that you’re less than interested in them.

Of course, I’m by no means saying that you need to turn your phone off altogether. That would be ludicrous. No, just put it on silent and leave it by while you’re chatting away. Doing so will mean that you have a genuine chance to connect with the guy and get to know him. Because, in all honesty, Facebook, WhatsApp, and texts can wait.

first date faux pas

8. Making Inappropriate Jokes

Finally, here’s one for all of you with a weird or dark sense of humor. If you’re the type who loves nothing more than making risqué jokes, you may well want to hold your tongue on this one. Joking about anything a tad racy — from sexist jabs to gory tales — is dangerous AF. Remember, you really don’t know your audience from Adam, and you don’t know what this guy finds funny and what he doesn’t.

A little light humor is cool — it’s actually very attractive; but make sure that you keep things clean. Stick to subjects that are neutral so that you don’t accidentally put your big old foot in it when you say something wrong. After all, offending a guy on the first date is probably not the best way to get a second one.

This Couple Has Been Married for 75 Years — Here’s Their Advice

Relationships are a lot of work — you’ve heard it a million times before. Divorce rates may be high, but true love lasts a lifetime. Just ask this adorable couple: John and Evie. They’ve been married for more than 70 years, so they know a thing or two. In this heartwarming video, they share their advice for a long lasting marriage. Let’s be honest: these two are major #relationshipgoals.

It’s sounds so simple and logical, but it’s solid advice so many of us forget when our relationships start to get challenging — as they inevitably will. When it comes down to it, putting your partner’s happiness right up there next to your own is nonnegotiable. You can never stop caring about each other, making each other smile, and enriching each other’s lives.

Which piece of advice resonates most with you?

 

Main image: BeerTastingChampion – Danni Munro/YouTube

10 Dating No-Nos: Our List of Dating Dealbreakers

Dating can be fun and exciting, especially in the beginning when everything is a mystery; but it can also be work. Sometimes, we question if we’ll ever find the right person. No one is perfect, and finding the right match takes time; there are some behaviors that make us want to run away screaming with our hands above our heads. After experiencing a few of these dealbreakers, staying single doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Which are the worst dating dealbreakers? Here are our top picks.

1. Not Having a Photo

In our internet-centric world, many of us are meeting partners online instead of the old-fashioned way, which is easier in some ways but harder in others. Online, it’s simpler to analyze potential partners without investing too much time, and most of us only agree to meet people we’re attracted to, physically and/or mentally. According to an article from Smithsonian Magazine, the photo you choose for your dating profile can influence how much another person initially trusts you, perhaps becoming the deciding factor over whether they’ll agree to a date or not.

No photo? This goes on our list of dating dealbreakers.

2. Taking Too Long to Reply to Texts

You don’t need to jump at your phone each time it buzzes; but waiting a day or two after each message shows indifference toward the other person. Playing games is never a good idea, and plenty of partners will move on to someone else who isn’t so “hard to get.”

dating dealbreaks

3. Running Late Without Notice or Completely Flaking on Plans

There is nothing wrong with running a bit late from time to time — everyone does it, and five to 10 minutes is completely forgivable. Making someone wait longer and not calling to warn them, or canceling plans last-minute altogether, are different stories. These actions are indirect ways of telling potential partners that their time doesn’t matter to you. Why should they spend any more of it? Many people won’t.

4. Being Rude to Others

On dates, we don’t only watch how we’re treated, but also how our dates treat others. Sure, being rude to the person you’re out with will end the night quickly; but mistreating the waitress (or “forgetting” the tip), the doorman, or anyone else you come into contact with will also ensure that a second date doesn’t happen.

5. Excessive Smoking and Boozing

There are plenty of non-smokers who don’t mind when their partners occasionally smoke, as long as it’s not done in the house or around other people; but getting carried away with cigarettes or alcoholic drinks is another story. When your habits impact your life and the lives of others, it becomes a problem, and healthy people want healthy partners.

men drinking beers

6. Being Needy

At the beginning of a new relationship, it’s easy to get swept up in a world of constant messaging and last-minute dates. Then reality kicks in and we remember we have obligations and routines. It’s important to have your own life, friends, and hobbies so you don’t overwhelm your partner. Living a fulfilling life is also a turn-on and adds to the qualities that make someone interesting.

7. Talking Only About Yourself

Kidnapping the conversation is an easy way to ensure that it’s the last one you will have with that person. Yes, perhaps your job is super interesting, your children are adorable, and your dog did the funniest thing today; but your partner won’t care if he/she can’t get a word in edgewise. People feel important when they are asked about themselves, and listening to someone else is a way of showing genuine interest.

8. A Sloppy Appearance

This may seem like a no-brainer (we only date the people we’re attracted to); but after a bit of time, laziness can set in and some partners begin letting their personal grooming habits slip. The level of grooming requirements will vary from person to person, but at least make sure your clothes, hair, and teeth are all clean when you see your SO.

9. Sexual Incompatibility

The relationship won’t take off if the kissing chemistry is lacking, and it will experience problems down the road if both partners are on a different sexual schedule — one of the most difficult dating dealbreakers of all. Some people like being intimate every day while others are happy with once per week; so it’s important to find someone on the same wavelength as you.

relationship compatibility

10. Poor Communication

Communication is up there with honesty in “things crucial in a relationship.” At first, that can mean talking about/listening to each other’s likes and dislikes; but later it will translate to how you live together and handle bigger issues. Eye contact and other forms of nonverbal communication also matter, as highlighted in a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology.

8 Things We Love About Being Single

Coupling up is a big deal. Our culture’s habit of favoring romantic relationships often leads to a frantic push to find someone, anyone with whom to settle. But does it really have to be that way? Frankly, flying solo is underrated. For a second, let’s take a minute to truly appreciate the many things we love about being single.

1. We Learn to Love Spending Time Alone

Spending time alone gets a bad rap. Be it curling up with your favorite novel or treating yourself to a long bubble bath, there’s something utterly relaxing about spending time in your own company. This is something that being single forces you to do, and yet it can be one of the most liberating experiences.

Being truly happy with yourself means looking forward to those times when you don’t need to be social — when you can be on your own and chill out for a while. While some look at this as being antisocial or lonely, we know that’s not the case. Not having to pander to anyone else’s whims is a wonderful feeling.

2. Relationship Drama Just Ain’t a Thing

Make no mistakes, relationships come with a major side dish of drama from time to time. Whether it’s bickering about the in-laws or where to go on vacay, it can be seriously hard going. There’s nothing like hearing your less-than-single friend moaning about their significant other to remind you that the grass isn’t always greener.

Luckily, being single means not having to deal with drama from your other half. It means keeping things simple and straightforward. If you don’t like something or someone, you can walk away from them. That’s your prerogative.

3. We Can Binge-Watch Whatever We Like

things we love about being single

Who needs a relationship when we live in the age of Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu? No one. Binge-watching is a lifestyle and, let’s face it, another person would just complicate that. When you’re single, you get to choose what you want to watch on television 100% of the time. You literally switch on and figuratively switch off whenever you please.

Sure, we’re not denying the fact that people in relationships binge-watch too; of course, they do. There’s just one difference — they compromise. They have to talk about which shows they want to invest their time in and figure out when they can both sit down to watch them together. What’s more, there’s the undeniable tension should one of them dare to watch episodes ahead — *gasps* — without the other. Sheer madness.

4. We’re Just as Happy as Our Coupled Up Friends

There’s a common misconception that single people are sad, lonely, desperate beings — that we must spend our nights weeping and lamenting our singleness. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s a myth that we need to dispel ASAP because it’s not helping anyone out there.

In fact, research from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology recently found that many single people are just as content with their lives as those in relationships. The reason is simple. While being in a relationship brings a whole host of benefits, it also has its drawbacks. The study found that those who had “avoidance social goals” (i.e. tended to steer clear of conflict) were likely to be happiest being single.

5. We Get to Starfish Every Single Night

Sure, sharing a bed and spooning can be cute from time to time, but there’s one major advantage when you’re single. Sleeping alone means you can starfish (read: spread your entire body out like a starfish) every single night. You don’t need to share that big old double bed. You don’t need to worry about taking more than your fair share of the quilt. You don’t have to stay in one position. Oh no, you’re the master of your own bed.

waking up

6. We Won’t Settle for Less Than We Deserve

While everyone around us is coupling up and playing house, there may be a temptation to grab the nearest eligible date and do the same damn thing. But let’s face it, we all know that settling is not the way to go. A study by the University of Toronto found that the fear of being single often leads people to settle for less than they deserve in a relationship.

With that in mind, there’s something utterly honorable about holding out for the all-elusive soulmate. Being single isn’t always about being alone — sometimes, it’s about refusing to settle down with someone who just isn’t right. And that’s perfectly okay. Scratch that. It’s better than okay; it’s how we should all value ourselves.

7. We Have Killer Social Circles

We get by with a little help from our friends. When you’re not in a relationship, your besties really do count. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that single people were more likely to reach out to their peer group than married people were. What’s more, it also found that the same people gave more and received more help from their friends than other people. Nice.

So, generally speaking, single people are closer to their friendship circle than those in relationships. That means keeping up with people, long phone calls, and loads of Facebook event requests. Yes.

8. You Can Be Unapologetically Selfish

“Don’t be selfish!” Those are the words that echoed throughout most of our childhoods, whether spoken by teachers, parents, or neighbors. But wait just a darn minute — what’s wrong with being selfish now and then? So long as you’re not hurting anyone else, there’s no shame in putting yourself first and doing what you want to do.

Sugarcoat it all you like but we all know that being in a relationship means compromising and, at times, putting your partner first. On the flip side, singledom means that you get to do you. You don’t have to worry about what anyone thinks, what they want, or how they think you should be. You’re the boss, so you get the final say.

9 Things No One Tells You About Long Term Relationships

You hardly noticed it happening. It started with a few dates, which became a few nights in watching Netflix, which became staying at one another’s most every night, which became living together, which became, “OMG, we’ve been together how long?!” Before you knew it, you were officially in what’s known as a long term relationship and there was no denying it.

The funny thing about it all was that it felt so natural; it just fit. Still, there were a fair few oddities you noticed along the way. In reality, being in a long term relationship is nothing like dating. Not one bit. It’s a whole new ball game. Here are just nine little things no one tells you about long term relationships.

1. You See Yourself in a Whole New Light

Before you got with your SO, you probably went through your life thinking you were a normal, sane, reasonable individual. We’d all like to believe that we have our lives together, that we’re in total control of our emotions and how we act. Sadly, that’s not always the case. Being in a relationship is like holding up a giant mirror to yourself so you can finally see all of your deepest, darkest flaws glaring back at you.

long term relationships

None of us are perfect. Being with someone for a long period means that you will learn things about yourself that you never truly expected. For example, you might have a short temper, be awfully messy, or be a big fat gossip. All of the above will be highlighted when your partner mentions them to you. Accept it. We’re all terrible human beings now and then.

2. You Will Bicker… But it Won’t Mean the End

If you’re under the impression that a “good relationship” is one where you always get along, never argue, and live a life of bliss, you’re sadly mistaken. This is the real world and we are real people. Sometimes, we all have off days. What’s more, since our partners are the closest person to us, we’re likely to take out our mood swings on them.

When you’re new to the world of LTRs, these little blips may shake you up. Don’t let them. The longer you’re with someone, the less the odd spat will worry you. In fact, a recent study found that arguing and expressing anger in your relationship is actually healthy. The reason is simple — getting out how you feel in the short-term means less conflict in the long-term. So, go ahead, tell your partner just how you feel.

3. The Butterflies Will Fade Away

long term relationships

When you first meet your partner, you feel utterly intoxicated by them. They’re the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. You spend your days texting them, stalking them online, and day-dreaming about how many kids you’ll have. Before you see them once more, those familiar butterflies start a-fluttering in your stomach and you can barely control yourself.

Fast-forward a few years, and those butterflies have curled up and gone to sleep. You’re afraid they may even be in a coma or worse. Seeing your partner just becomes a part of your daily routine; you can’t imagine not speaking to them at least once every day. It all feels so very, well, normal now.

4. And be Replaced by Something Even Better

While the butterflies may be gone, they’ve been replaced by something new and perhaps even better. The sense of stability you get once you’ve been with someone a while is like nothing else in the world. Suddenly, you always have someone there with you; you never need to be by yourself. Your partner becomes your best friend, but more than that, they become your family in many ways too. You feel that you can tell them absolutely anything and, that’s because, you really can.

5. Personal Boundaries Will No Longer Exist

In the honeymoon period of your relationship, you did your utmost to hide all your imperfections from your partner. You wanted them to believe that you were a flawless, ideal person — the one from their wildest dreams. So, you never burped in front of them, used the bathroom while they were in there, or asked them to squeeze your zits. Oh, how the times have changed over the years.

long term relationships

These days, you’re not even sure where the lines of the boundaries are anymore. You’ll gleefully hold a full-on conversation while sitting on the toilet seat. You have zero problem plucking out your weird chin hairs in front them. And sometimes, just to gross them out, you go up to them and lick their face. Things have gotten pretty darn weird… and you love it.

6. People Will Constantly Ask You About the Future

long term relationships

Whatever your views on marriage, kids, and the whole shabang, there’s one thing that no one out there particularly enjoys — pressure. When you’ve been with the same person for more than a blink of the eye, something rather odd begins to happen to the people around you. Your nearest and dearest will think nothing of asking you the most daunting of questions. From, “When will you settle down?” to “When will you have kids?”’ there seems to be no end to this intrusive interrogation.

7. You Will Still Fancy Other People

Being in a LTR doesn’t mean that you go blind, you know? You’re still a living, breathing person and you still have those same old needs. So, needless to say, you will see people in the street and find them attractive. You may even linger a little longer when speaking to a particularly fit waiter in a restaurant. There’s nothing wrong with it. Fancying other people does not make you a cheater or even a bad person. It makes you human.

The point is that you don’t act on your feelings. That’s what being in a committed relationship is all about. You mutually agree that you will only be with one another. And, even when times get hard and you fight, that’s something that you stick to. In the end, it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.

8. Your SO Will See You at Your Worst

Let’s not beat around the bush here; we all have embarrassing, awkward stories that we’d rather not share. Whether you’ve vomited in a plant pot at a wedding or wet yourself during a gym class, there’s sure to be at least one cringy skeleton in your closet. At the start of a relationship, you can easily hide all of the above. You can pretend that your life thus far has gone just swimmingly and that nothing red-face inducing ever happens to you.

long term relationships

Soon enough, though, that facade will wear thin. Your partner will be there to see your worst moments as they play out in real-time. There’s no way of hiding things from them when they’ve seen them with their own eyes. Oh, and to make matters just a tad worse, your partner will likely use these moments as ammo in the future. Joy.

9. But They Will Always Have Your Back

Sure, things may get awkward, a little too close, and downright weird, but there’s one thing of which you can always be certain: No matter what happens to you, your partner will absolutely always have your back. When you’ve been together that long, it’s as though you make a silent agreement that you’re always on one another’s side. Having that kind of support is an incredible feeling — one of security and, yes, love.

Since you’ve chosen to be together this long already, the way you see one another really has changed. This person is more than a mere fling or someone you lust after; they are your partner in more senses than one. And, honestly, that fact makes the whole darn thing worth it.