It’s a brand new year; and along with the 2016 presidential election and overlining our lips, there are a few things we all need to say adios to — including these eight things to stop doing on social media, like, yesterday. Let me be clear: I’m allowed to make fun of these social media faux pas because I’m guilty of nearly every single one. I don’t know when exactly we all started feeling the need to document every moment of our lives, as if they were that exciting. I mean, I know how much everyone loves seeing pictures of my dogs and videos of my workouts on Instagram, but it’s getting a bit excessive. Cell phone addiction is a serious problem; and even if it wasn’t, the mere thought of another year of over-the-top mirror selfies makes me want to cartwheel off a mountain.
So, without further ado, here are eight things we all need to stop doing on social media pronto.
1. Driving Selfies
Most people are bad drivers to begin with. I’m shocked to think that one day, someone actually said, “It’d be a really good idea to take pictures of my face while I drive.” I don’t know about you, but I have to take about 40 selfies to get just one viable image. It requires perfect positioning, flawless light, and impeccable make-up. Otherwise, I look like an alien. Do us all a favor: While you’re driving, keep your hands on 10 and 2, and save the selfies for your Starbucks drinks.
2. Duck Lips
There’s a secret to these chicks on Instagram who have enormous lips: It’s called Restylane and Juvederm, and it can cost anywhere from $500 to $2,000 a pop
. Your lips are beautiful just the way they are. We can’t all be Angelina Jolie.
This is a big one with celebrities. They’ll post pictures of their chateaus and their car collections and their luxury vacations in Bora Bora, all with the hashtag #blessed. That’s a nice sentiment there, but you’re also just #rich and #successful and #youhavereallynicethings.
4. Gym Mirror Selfies
Why, God? Why? Your workouts still count even if you don’t post about them. I know we love to show everyone how jacked and swole we are, and the occasional gym selfie here and there won’t harm anyone. But please, don’t abuse it. Now get back to your dumbbell curls.
5. Relationship Drama
I have Facebook friends I’ve never met and yet somehow I know the most intimate details of their personal relationships. How can this be? Call me crazy, but if there’s drama in my life, I tend not to share it with my 3,000 closest internet friends.
6. Passive-Aggressive Statuses
Scrolling through my Facebook feed every day, I find at least one status to the effect of, “I’m so done with toxic people.” “I’m a good person and I deserve more than this.” And my absolute favorite: “Why?” Listen. If you’re going to give us an inch, give us the whole mile. I want to know all the dirty details. Otherwise, zip the lips.
7. Checking in at the Gas Station
And the cleaners. And the grocery store. People don’t need to know you’re at CVS. Please refrain.
8. Overabundant Food Pictures
I love food photography as much as the next person. If you’ve got one heck of a meal
in front of you and you know how to take a good pic, go for it, so I have something new to drool over. But you don’t see me posting pictures of my toast and sweet potatoes, now, do you? No. No, you do not. Unimpressive.